reunited

I did it.

I made it to the school reunion.

I had extremely low expectations, but they were blown right away. I had a ball, in fact I was with the last few people to leave. The fellow colleague I'd had huge issues with some 15 years ago came directly up to me and apologised for her behaviour back then. I wasn't sure how things would go there, so it was extremely refreshing and quite fun. There were some really interesting people with whom I could have chatted individually for a whole evening, and some amazing life stories. Of course not everyone was completely engaging, but people were generally a whole lot more mature and more outwardly focussed. It was of course punctuated by me coming out multiple times, which some people had to take a little moment to compute. I got more attention from the girls than I ever did, which was fun, as with their compliments. I left with a sense of warmth from people who actually gave a damn.

I'm very glad I went. I'd sworn never to go to another school reunion.

Changing one's mind isn't always a bad thing.

It's My High School Reunion

The last high school reunion I attended was hideous. I couldn't get away fast enough, literally. I wanted to leave but was driving my good friend who, very unusually, got drunk, was less inclined to leave and blah blah I got home later and more infuriated than ever. The people there reverted to their high school personas and maturity and one previously good friend treated me as if I was not even in the room. Flabbergastingly childish. We've not spoken since, her choice. There were, I recall, two women with whom I chatted who were standouts from that crowd. They had both married early, had kids, worked and studied all at the same time, and were switched on and real. They were the only saving grace. The bimbo women who battered their eyelashes and giggled about how much work it must have been for me to study medicine et al, bored me to tears, as did the men's bravado about who achieved what materially in their lives.

"Never again", I said.

I lied.

I have accepted the invitation to the follow up reunion some 15 years later. This time I'm hopeful some of those missing from the earlier reunion will enlighten my opinions, and perhaps a good dose of maturity might enter the room this time. Though I'm setting my expectations to basement on this one. The chosen restaurant is not bad, so at worst it's an ok meal with bad company, many of whom have no name embedded in my memory. I'm curious if the woman who has chosen not to speak to me for over 15 years will be there and if so will she make eye contact? My good friend who got drunken and disorderly last time has his act in gear and will be a fun sparring partner I expect this time. I'm not taking The Frenchman, as I love him to much to force this upon him. It would be quite the coming out event though if he did accompany me though as most won't know I'm gay (I assume). So I'll be flying under the radar, and that can be fun. I really don't care what people think any more. I'm more interested in finding out out the paths people have taken in lives less ordinary, and I believe there might be a few of those, though if truly wise they probably won't be there.

I wore my sunglasses at night

In fact we all wore our sunglasses at night. It was a hoot, the whole evening. One of those spontaneous ones that just develops like a snowball on a powder snow mountain - you roll, you fall you laugh as the powder fills your lungs - you get up, keep going and don't stop laughing.

A text in the mid afternoon was the first snowball, a final dinner for a good friend and one time flat mate returning to her Melbourne nest after some months in Sydney, the location - who knows, we'll work it out as time approaches, perhaps a movie after. The second snowball, a call from other friends - are we keen to see a movie (the same movie) - perhaps do dinner before? Hmm.... yes sure, we're in - in fact we have it planned but for dinner - you choose the restaurant & we'll be there.

The restaurant is Japanese and hip, there are people waiting for hours for tables but we're in and the food is waiting for us. The conversation is a thousand miles an hour, the food constant and mouthwatering, we're laughing, there are photos, there are shared and unidentified morsels. I think there was wine. We don't stop. We talk all the way to the cinema, we wear the polarised glasses well before we get into the 3D cinema - it's completely nerdy and we're on such a high we don't care. In fact they're so bad they're fabulous.

We laugh through the movie, though not everyone in the cinema does, and run in the pouring rain that greets us as we leave, still wearing the sunnies, still on a high and it feels like we're in our own little movie, the rest of the world the extras.

Saying goodbye to our Melbourne-bound friend is the sad end to the screenplay, it was a great film and I'm looking forward to the sequel.

It can't come soon enough.

Awesome Weekend

So I've woken up at 7am, at the latest, every day (including Friday) this weekend, and it has been such an intensely FULL weekend. I love it. I absolutely loved it, not all aspects mind you, but the overall rating is certainly way up there. The not so fab bits, well, they weren't all that bad in the grand scheme of things. The fab, oh so good.

I feel like I need a shower, though I've only recently had one. It's that feeling you get when you've been at the beach much of the day, a little bit of sun and wind making the skin feel that little bit, hmm, summerised. It was my first ocean swim for the year, and I powered through it and surprised myself with a placing. Big smile from me the rest of the afternoon. And what an afternoon. Weather they pick out for postcards and travel ads. Cocktails on the deck watching the waves, the setting sun, and a summer barbecue to finish it all off. The Frenchman managed to find the solitary blue bottle in the whole of the ocean on this perfect day today, and it attacked him like a frenzied shark (well, ok , it hurt). But he made it through like a trooper, finished the race and achieved a lot more.

Saturday night I escaped to see Jay Brannan in concert. He was fantastic. The warm up act was so so, and everyone was chatting like it was just background music at a bar (and in that time I caught up with friends and met someone from way back who quite surprised me). Then Jay came on and he had everyone's complete attention. There were no conversations happening, full on focus on the man of the moment on the last performance in his world "I suck at life" tour. I love his humour, though some may not. His music is a lot of fun, sometimes moving, some times hilarious, and the live performance was sensational, a natural and easygoing performer with stunning vocal ability. I'm so glad I managed to get there and had some friends who took me in.

Amélie had her first sleep over without her mum on the weekend. Stressful for her mum, but exciting for her dads! It was a lot of fun. She's always a lot of fun and so easy. It's so easy in fact it feels like I'm not really being a dad at all, it's supposed to be hard work isn't it? I mean there's a lot to do, but once I'm awake, it's not so hard.

I'm voting for more of these weekends, and more of the people who take them that step above the ordinary.

photos from the bondi to bronte ocean swim site

A Wild Wednesday on a Thursday.

I've been chatting with Guy* for 4 years or so. The exact time we started chatting and the exact internet site that we met on is a little fuzzy now, but we've managed to chat every now and again on various electronic media and keep a basic knowledge of what's been happening in each other's lives over that time. It hasn't been intense and there can be months between chatting, but it's regular and warm and it has worked both ways. So on our recent visit to France with a little time to spare we tee'd up a time to catch up. The evening was free and Guy invited us to dinner at the home he shares with his partner. Our first meeting, dinner, in . Perfect. I love the intimacy of dining with people in their homes. You don't have to worry about restaurant staff, fellow patrons nor filter your conversation from prying ears.

Knowing he is a student I was expecting a tiny flat in the middle of nowhere, but the concierge at his sparkling apartment building directed us to the elevator and the 29th floor. He was as handsome as I'd come to know in 2 dimensions, but a whole lot warmer and welcoming. The apartment was grand, and as we walked in there was central Paris before us, the sun was setting over the financial district to our left and the Eiffel tower flashing away directly in front of us. His partner was labouring away in the kitchen where they had both been working prior to us arriving.

I would have been happy with toast really, but we were in France after all and the food was simple yet gourmet. The conversation, a mix of French and English, moved through a host of topics and I really didn't want the night to end. A connection finally made tangible. A fun experience and 2 great guys. A very good Thursday night.

Its been a long time since I've posted a Wild Wednesday Challenge, but one of my favourite things is inviting new people to dinner just as Guy did us. It can be a whole lot of fun. Midweek is great for it too. I'd highly recommend taking up today's wild wednesday challenge and invite someone new to your home for dinner tonight or later this week. There are some great people out there, invite them home!!

*name might not actually be Guy.

Weekend Home Holidays

Conversations of liquid gold, connections with great people refreshed, out of place summer weather, babbling youngsters who steal your heart, meals and experiences shared, escapes into the great outdoors and oceanic meanderings. It was a weekend of great things, the simple thing of life that are so enriching, rewarding, and so much fun. I'm looking forward to the real summer and more time with friends and family just being, and spending time. Doing things spontaneously and not having any particular goal or focus. I have enough tasks to manoeuvre through in my working week. The weekends are going to be mini holidays like this one was - even if I did work for a part of it.

Tropical Fruit

My good friend Martin, recently moved to Australia's Northern Territory has started off a new blog TROPICAL FRUIT. Worth a look by clicking above, here, or on the link which continues to be updated in my blog links on the right. I do love his writing.

Arrgghhh!!!

"Arrgghhh!!!" 

Everyone needs someone to talk to. It maybe to debrief on the driver who cut you off on the freeway, or share how great you feel after a great day at work and extend it to the discussion of relationships and complex emotional stresses. Just talking about these things, as trivial as they may seem at the time, can have a marked influence on our quality of life. I certainly appreciate the people who fill this role for me, and ensure that I can be the leaning post for them that they are for me. It doesn't always work both ways though, with my work I'm often the leaning post for people who have no-one else with whom they can share their inner emotions and thoughts. They're not always capable of filling the leaning post role themselves, but as they become more in touch with themselves the more capable they are of finding someone to balance things out with in their own world. 

The gay world is one that is often filled with doubts and insecurities and as we grow these are tackled and hopefully we grow stronger and more capable of supporting others within it. A big thanks to those who are there for me. You know who you are. 

If you don't have anyone who you can trust, you may find a local GP who can help out - or a counselling service who can provide an ear when you feel no-one else is willing or wanting to listen. For a gay friendly experience try the links below. Life is too short to not share our experiences.

Gay & Lesbian Counselling Service of NSW

Switchboard - Victoria & Tasmania

Gay & Lesbian Community Services - Western Australia

Gay & Lesbian Welfare Association - Queensland

Gay & Lesbian Community Services of South Australia

Stanwell Park Ocean Swim

There's a box of clocks sitting ticking on the corner of my desk. Los Angeles says 11:55 Tokyo 11:00  New York 12.50  Sydney 11.58  and London 12:00. They're all wrong, but they go on ticking. 

This morning at 8.30 a series of alarms go off on clocks that do tell the right time. The sun is shining against a partially closed blind, underneath it the light bounces off the ocean and into our faces. It's the Stanwell Park Ocean Swim today and we do our pre-race preparations in the morning of a stunning day. There is a gentle breeze as we watch the surf life savers in their inflatable dinghies zooming along the glistening ocean placing the marker buoys along the course that passes us. We head out the door and down to the beach where we're given fluoro pink swim caps, I'm asked how long it is until I'm in the next age category ( I answer VERY) and the general atmosphere is jovial. There are many distractions along the way in the form of stunning fellow competitors, so waiting for a bus to Coalcliff for the swim start is not so traumatic. Not so traumatic at all. 

I meet a few unexpected people at the race start - and a few regulars & friends. The water is beautiful and when I do a warm up swim I feel fantastic. Can't wait to get in for the race. The race itself is harder than I expect and it's a bigger mental battle than usual to get my body going as fast as I want it to. The end result isn't so bad though and I roll onto the beach the other end with sand all over me, a lot closer to the lead than I expected. The sun is still shining and The Frenchman heads up the beach smiling. He's been pleasantly distracted by a competitor racing against him. A group of us who have collected at the end laugh, a lot. We then head back to ours for a tour of our new home and brunch. 

If time could stand still, as it does in the corner of my desk, right now would be perfect. 

Can you get enough?

I've had a great break, and being away from web-publishing /posting for a while it has allowed me think about exposure & personal revelation on the web and indeed in everyday life.

 

During the break I read an article in the Sydney Morning Herald entitled Too Much Information (see the full article here), and it resonated strongly with me. It basically explores the concept of keeping things personal in an increasingly public world.

What do we think we can reasonably expect to know about other people, and they about us?

The gossip magazines know our appetite for celebrity news, their continued existence demonstrates that clearly. But these days it isn't just about celebrities. Reality TV shows take us into the hearts and minds of their literal guy-next-door stars, blogs tell-all about their authors as well as whatever information they divulge about others. It's not just what they're wearing or where they're holidaying, it's who they're having sex with and how they're doing it, what they're obsessing over, what's happening in their relationships & families, why they're having counselling; there really is no limit to the detail. Blogs and Facebook pages become forums on their owners' private lives, whether they like it or not, though usually triggered by self published information. The more we see it around us, the more we expect people to be forthcoming with all the details of their intimate lives. 

Personal information has become not a saleable commodity, but an expected part of routine social intercourse. Penile dimensions and sexual preferences often prioritised ahead of personality, occupation or, god forbid, political persuasion. Conversations that don't enter into the sordid are seen as bland, boring, conservative and oh-so-last-century. I was sitting chatting with The Frenchman and close female friend of ours in a public space last week when a woman sitting within earshot interrupted us to ask if we were a threesome. We were speechless. 

The future is looking to get even more invasive. Today's primary school kids email and text each other day and night discussing their latest crushes and all manner of topics, just a decade ago you'd rarely have seen a letter and even more rarely a phone call from these kids who are now texting 24/7.  How much information about their school mates will they know by the time they get to high school? 

I see relationships being shredded live on the net with all and sundry getting in on the action with intimate details let loose. People get hurt, and the world looks on and wants more. What's the juice? What's the Goss? Who's doing what to whom? It's okay, you can tell me, [I'll only divulge it if it feels right at the time.]

Have you ever been told that because you haven't shared your entire sexual history with someone, you're not really a friend?

When will we get enough? Will we ever be satiated with the information we draw in?

And do we really need it?

It seems what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas any more. The ability to compartmentalise various aspects of our lives is seen now as a bad thing, transparency is king. But laying our lives bare for analysis and criticism is not always productive and frequently boundaries are blurred and out of context we are misinterpreted. Do you want to have your manhunt or gaydar profile blended with your Facebook profile? Being able to share things deeply personal with a trusted few is something that enriches those relationships. Share them with the world and do people really appreciate it?

Are we happy to divulge our personal lives to everyone? Personally I'm increasingly not. There are elements that I'm happy to share where I feel my experiences may benefit others. There are bloggers who are extremely candid with their posts about their lives which can put them in the firing line from all and sundry. Certainly there are times when this can truly be beneficial, especially in the gay world where dealing with HIV, family and coming out can be significantly aided by following others' personal experiences. But where is the boundary between personal development and voyeuristic infotainment? 

I like a little mystery, uncertainty, the element of surprise. It's what makes the world an interesting place and people more intriguing. Having to make a little effort to explore all the hidden places in people's lives is a lot more interesting than having them served up on a platter. It is after all the journey that is half the fun, and I want 100% not just half of it.

Ecstasy

In contrast to the week before it, the weekend was positively fantastic. I'm typically a gregarious person; there's nothing more that I love than catching up with friends and spending time. Some connections were by pure chance, some arranged well in advance and others much closer to the moment, but a collection of different people shared food, drinks, watched movies, walked swam or ran, discussed life the universe & braved the quite stormy elements with me this weekend. I've eaten some truly amazing food - highlights are the Tapas selection at diggies, the flourless chocolate cake at Fireworks cafe in Austinmer (honestly the best cake ever), the hot chocolate at Bourke Street Bakery, and the lamb strips at Onde. But the connection with all is they were meals and experiences shared. Perfect. 

I also managed to find a new pair of speedos that I like, and I managed to test them out in a brief moment of sunshine at Boy Charlton pool. They swim fast.

I'm very much looking forward to the week ahead. Who knows what will be thrown at me this week, but I'm recharged and ready for it!

Projection

On Sunday a friend gives me the September copy of something he's just started working on, Men's Health Magazine, and as I look at the cover it's someone I used to train with (albeit briefly) at the gym. It says "BUILD A BEACH BODY - see results in 10 days", but his body wasn't a 10 day job, surprise surprise. It's nice to see him again even though it's in print, and he's as gorgeous as ever. 

What a job my friend has having to sort through photos for Men's Health, help with the photographic shoots, pore over endless images of idyllic men. I contemplate the idea of it when The Frenchman reminds me of the surfers I get to work with, and I realise I don't have it too bad. But still. 

We have just checked out the new hotel on the block, The Beresford, though technically it's not new - just newly revised and quite the job well done I must say. And on this Sunday afternoon it feels like we're at a dance party in sheer volume of men. The outdoor courtyard is cavernous but still packed with men, and it's a lot of fun. I could stay a long while.  The three of us have arranged to have dinner about 5 blocks away and as we're eating the four cutest guys we've all voted top picks from the hotel arrive for dinner at the same place. I have no idea who they are, but as we leave I wonder if in different circumstances we might be great friends. But I guess I'll never know. 

And for those readers from the USA who are about to vote (or at least have the option of voting) just think, only 2 more years until another election campaign. God damn it I can hardly wait. I think I've heard more about your election than our own. Given that we are more influenced by your policies and economy than ever before I think we should be able to vote too!  But can you imagine the International Election Campaign? Let's just draw straws. Obama straws?

Lazy Active Retro

A lazy weekend of activity. Impromptu dinner parties, slow cooked breakfasts, trips to the beach, to the Italian deli, hikes in the bush. Close friends visiting, some planned, some spontaneous. Animated conversation flowing from relationships to politics to family planning. Chance meetings of friends at the pool and on the street, and long conversations that follow. Strengthening new and old bonds that will last a lifetime. 

There's nothing quite so refreshing as the freedom from being in the company of people with whom you have the knowledge that you're at home, that you can say and express what you feel, and you're going to be accepted, and listened to, and sometimes challenged. People you know you can trust, who make you feel a warm glow from within.

I was playing this song at one of these slow breakfast mornings on Sunday, and it has the lazy, active, retro feel of the summer I am planning to have.

Paper Aeroplane : Angus & Julia Stone

3min 38s

Change of plans

What do you do when you find yourself at the end of a cancelled dinner party invitation on a Saturday night? You take other guests who are also left hanging and go do a progressive dinner, at various eateries, why limit it to just one?

So at 6.30pm on Saturday we find ourselves at Longrain in Surry Hills, Sydney. The last time I was here was a few years ago, but the wait was so long that we disappeared off somewhere else. Hunger wins. Tonight though we are greeted by a well dressed woman who opens the door and sends us in the direction of the restaurant NOT the bar. We're seated at the very long table (it's a trademark of Longrain) where we're fitted in between other diners. The ambience is great though it's a little loud and hearing my fellow diners opposite me at the table is, at times, a lip reading experience. The food is delicious, upmarket Thai - we go straight to mains - and there's little left on our shared plates when a very loud Englishman sits down beside me. He's not loud to me but my fellow diners sitting opposite can't hear themselves think, so we decide it's time to head out - the desserts look great but not tonight dear, we're getting a headache.

Next stop is IVY - the new watering hole with various restaurants and bars on multiple open air levels. It's quite glam, though if it's called IVY can they please have real ivy on the columns? There is more security than cute men, but the main guy - we'll call him the concierge - is drop dead gorgeous. He makes our brief visit here worth it, but they're not serving dessert unless you order the whole set  menu - so we leave. 

We wander towards Circular Quay and head up to Cafe Sydney. I give ourselves a 40% chance of getting a table the others are more optimistic ranging from 62% to 94%, and while we're initially offered the low low bar area where my knees rest at eye level, we're rapidly whisked away to a table on the deck which overlooks the finest Sydney Harbour has to offer (you get an idea in the link). We sit back, relax and enjoy the ambience that is unbeatable. It really is one of my favourite spaces anywhere in the world and we spend hours chatting away with the only distraction our waitress who calls our bill some kind of account, pours water like it's a bad child who needs to be disciplined and otherwise makes us pause conversation for fear of laughing. I really could have stayed on, the combination of conversation and ambience intoxicating - but at midnight we agree to move on. 

We decide we're going to do it again - next time with entree, main and dessert each at different locations. Already contemplating potential venues, I can hardly wait.

Food for the Soul

Saturday brunch I cooked scrambled eggs with smoked salmon, slowly roasted tomatoes, and mushrooms on sour dough brought in from Bourke Street Bakery by our weekend guests.

I guess it's my signature brunch menu. But I like it.

With our friends we took our dogs walking to the beach and rock platform near home and most of us got drenched by some rogue waves that were higher than anticipated. We laughed a whole lot even as we walked in squelching shoes back home. Those classic moments that are embedded forever in one's memory. I love the waves, I love the power of them, and on this sunny day they were particularly spectacular as they surged over the rocks, and us. 

Dinner on Saturday was based around a vegetarian risotto that developed from various element brought in and some we already had. Today's brunch was cooked by our guests who combined various fresh fruits, crepes and bacon with maple syrup. Now I know it's a popular combination in North America (? anywhere else?), but here and to me it's a confusing mix. I tried it for the first crepe, and it wasn't bad - but I stuck with more traditional combinations for my subsequent crepes. 

What I liked most about the meals this weekend was that everyone brought something, made something and became a part of the whole food preparation experience. A sharing thing. A communal thing. Spending time sharing experiences, discussing all and sundry and just being. Doing it at home is much more rewarding as there's never pressure to leave like when you see the closed sign hung up on the door. And it was all pretty spontaneous, which made it all the more fun.

The Frenchman's Chocolate cake didn't hurt either.

Did you cook anything for your weekend?

Le Tour du Monde

I've been following Le Tour de France over the past 3 weeks, and am watching the last few km of the race as I type. They've been racing around France, hundreds of km per day, up and down alps and the like and still at the end there is just a minute between the top 2 competitors. They're all very good to have even made it this far, and it makes me think. To make it to the front you've got to be good, consistently good for a long long time, and even when you are - there are people breathing down your neck all the time. 

But in the Tour, as with life, there may be one person who is seen to stand out, but quite a barrage of people who have supported them all the way.  And there are very few people who get anywhere without the support of the people around them. 

I've been thinking this weekend, as I've caught up with friends who are innately supportive, helped other friends through tougher times, and at various times recently been in touch with people who have been great touchstones for me, how lucky I am to have the people that I do have in my life. Sometimes I lose sight of that - and sometimes I'm disappointed with people - but there are those who are always there, who always make an effort - and those who will challenge me when I need it and with whom I can be completely relaxed. It's these people who help me to be a better person, to have the confidence I do, and to try and be a Tour winner in my own world.

Who are the support people in the Tour of your world? and who are you a support person for?

Out of your mind?

We all live inside our heads. Sometimes to escape we'll take things, or do things that make us feel somewhere else, but ultimately we all get back to that same old place we know so well. We may have partners, lovers, friends and family who all interact with us, but regardless of how many we have or how close we are to them, our thoughts largely remain our own. With edited excerpts making it to the outside world when we open the filters wide enough.

One of the big questions of life is: Who do we open the filters on our thoughts to? Who do we let know everything we are thinking? And do we really actually let them know EVERYTHING we think - or just a less edited version than everyone else gets?

When we open the filters up and our thoughts get out into the world, we're exposing ourselves to challenge. Our essential existence can be questioned and discussed, laughed about or mocked, or it may well be supported and encouraged and empathised with. But when you open up, you don't know which way it's going to go, and the uncertainty about the possibilities can be crippling.

One bad experience can make us withdraw way back, to the world within our own heads, where little escapes and much is processed, and reprocessed. But focusing on the bad is never the way to go - there are usually a whole stack of positives that we ignore for the one negative experience we have.

When we find people we can really trust, we can open up and throw our filters away. It's a liberating experience, a whole new world, but it takes work - time and shared experiences that you build steadily. And just at it takes time for you to trust someone - they need time to establish trust in you. You have to earn it. You need to keep their confidence. You need to allow them to talk without feeling the need to filter, without criticising or dismissing in an offhand way, but exploring what they say and what they feel... and by being truthful with them. Telling them more than just what they want to hear. It can be a bit of work, but it's well worth it, with relationships strengthening powerfully through it.

Once you have people who know you without these 'filters', you start to have less anxieties about what the rest of the world thinks. And step by step life gets easier and easier, you live less in your own head and more at peace. I think some call it enlightenment, but that's a whole other story.

Welcome to a rather cerebral Monday.
I feel a spectacular week coming on.

Talk to me

Have you been at a dinner party when your partner or someone close to you has said something that has completely shocked you? Taken you by complete surprise, because you thought you really should have known this fact already?

In my work I get to know people's inner thoughts - their issues with partners, children, family and friends, and I often get to know those partners', children's and family and friend's thoughts on them as well, so I get to have an understanding of both sides of the fence, but with the challenge of not being able to share my knowledge. Sometimes I feel like just telling everyone what's really happening in everyone elses lives - and they might well all live under the same roof - because ultimately everyone would be better off.

It is clear to me that there is so much that can be resolved by being transparent, by not having things filed in the 'do not open' folder. My suggestion to a patient today, that he inform his partner about a change in his management, because she might be able to identify problems earlier than he would regarding adverse effects, was met with wide eyed questioning look... It seemed obvious to me, but people do like to keep things quite partitioned in their lives, even from people who are incredibly close to them, even when it might really be very beneficial for them.

Which leads me to believe that a lot of people really don't know enough about those people who they think are really close to them. If you know how someone thinks, because they share their reasoning with you - then you're going to have a better understanding of any problems they might be having - or how to deal with problems as they arise. Too many people are guessing what their partners/significant others are thinking - but not actually asking them. Some partners aren't so good at being receptive to such questions either, becoming protective or patronising, or answering with things like "oh, you should know what I want" - which isn't exactly encouraging one to ask similar questions ever again, leading to further future misunderstandings.

My personal feeling is that too much information is never too much. (Although you do need to be selective with whom you share it - ie not the whole neighbourhood.) Sure, you don't have to speak your thoughts as you are developing them, but the more transparent you are with those close to you and the more they are with you - the less likely you are going to have misunderstandings and less likely you are to grow apart. But it's got to work both ways - no question should be dismissed, even if you think you've answered it a thousand times before.

I guess we need to give up our sense of needing to protect ourselves from criticism. At the base of this I guess is trust - you need to have trust in those people around you for this to work out... but if you don't have that - why are they still around?

So next time when you find out at a dinner party that your partner used to date a pro footballer, know his name and what his preferred activities were, and feel free not to share them with the neighbourhood.

Sunday March 30

The Red Eye from Perth last Tuesday was just fine thank you very much - Business class on a 747 is pretty nice (even though it's not international business class - more premium economy I guess) it was the crash landing into the new week that was hellish. Arrived to more work than I could possibly deal with, and then a rapidly developing laryngitis which took me right out of the work equation for a day or more, and then so far behind it was like picking up after a war. I still have a husky voice that makes men and women beg for more (and the more I give the less voice I have to give) deep deep down... Darth Vader eat your heart out.

Of course I then went racing today in the ocean blue - the race of all races - the one I've been training for all year right here at my home beach!!... and I'm sick, I'M BLOODY SICK, like I've not had much of an appetite for a few days, nose is digusting - we won't go there, but the muscle aches and pains are gone (or is that the aspirin I took for the headache this morning?) I still have my fitness, but there ain't no extra left for the surge to the beach. Mentally I'm not helped by the coughing along the course - not frequent - but a reminder that I'm not at my peak - even though I do try and ignore the reminder and push on - which I do - to finish a respectable 16th out of 'almost 300'. Can you complain? But I wanted top 10! I wanted to beat everyone in my age group! That run up the beach today felt like I hadn't been running at all, all year! Bloody hell, I deserved a medal just to get to the finishing line!

A cute guy from Tamarama surf club greeted me over a banana at the end - seriously - so I was pleasantly distracted from my aches and pains for a while. Then The Frenchman arrived, much later in the pack than he'd normally like - but he was sick too - so I was relieved that he actually finished (I think he wanted a cute lifesaver to bring him home). His family there to greet him - all the way from France - I don't think anything would stop him competing either.

It was the perfect day today too, warm and sunny with just a light breeze - we had a gathering for lunch at ours' and had the most chilled out day - with spectacular light a great group of people and a great birthday celebration for The Frenchman's dad. A sojourn to the beach here in the afternoon for some playing in the sand with the kids and swimming in the surf, the perfect end to the weekend.

Here we have The Frenchman's mum serving home made birthday cake with Champagne.

See, the light really was awesome!

A Weekend of People

The world has a selection of great people strewn about it, and this weekend I was lucky enough to get to interact with quite a few of them: Someone new who The Frenchman and I have come to know who has been quite a remarkable find, and funnily enough pretty much as busy as we are in all manner of things, but we managed a quick rendesvous in a funky outdoor cafe in Kirribilli. My brother and his family who are a ball of chaos and laughter, with 2 girls growing up much faster that you expect. A friend who returned from a long flight from the States on Saturday yet despite any jetlag made time to catch up with us that same afternoon- always a delight, and even more so to see the changes that love brings. A friend who is conversely about to leave on a long flight - in the direction of London, who I would be happy to converse with for hours, but had to be content with 90 minutes over dinner. It was the most awesome summer evening as the sun set over Sydney Harbour, and The Wharf Restaurant served us an exceptional pre-theatre meal (the Cate Blanchett directed 'Blackbird' - unexpectedly good).

There was breakfast with some old friends who are just so giving and humble, it's kind of humbling itself, and dinner with others who are kinda like family and great to have around and just be with. In the middle of it all The Frenchman and I managed to swim a few times - once in the Boy Charlton Pool, once at night naked in the surf here in Coalcliff (too much fun, but only Norten joined me for that - someone else was worried about things that can't be seen in the ocean at night...), and again in the day time surfing, though we both need a lot more practice in that department; the cute surfers around certainly make that a more attractive proposition though. Just chatting with some of the very warm and engaging locals in the surf and on the beach really makes us feel a part of the community here. And it feels good.

Let the working week begin!