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I'm known for my birthday parties. I've sent people on mad car rallies across cities, thrown them into starring roles in short films, had them shooting photo essays, learning to jive with same sex partners... and combinations of the above. Which brings me to this year where instead of the 6 weeks ahead planning of old, I've given 6 days of warning and little if all planned. I guess having a 1st birthday party to plan a week ahead of mine takes the focus off me. And I've been quite happy to be in the shadows this time around.

The youngster turned 1 a week ago, the date seemed to be a springboard for exponential development for her. She's learning so much so quickly it's hard to keep up. But fun trying. From a babe of complete dependence a year ago into a girl with character and charm today. She's obviously the apple of her daddy's eye, and more the focus of my attention than my birthday planning has been.

I've been writing this blog for a few years now, and my life has changed progressively over that time. People routinely assume that becoming a parent has 'turned your life upside down', but they just frustrate me. I guess I'm a big planner, and there have been expected changes which have been planned for and a lifestyle modified somewhat, but it hasn't really changed in most respects. It certainly has become richer. There are other factors that have equally changed my life involving most significantly changes in personal relationships with friends and family, and these to me have had a greater impact on me than parenthood I feel. Having said this though, other people have commented on positive changes they see in me in this past year that I guess I'm not quite so aware of at this point. Introspection isn't something I have a lot of time for these days. Perhaps that's a good thing.

So happy birthday me. Today's the day. And I really don't mind what happens or how I celebrate it. I hope you all have a great 24th of May. Do something to celebrate it for me, tell me what that was, and I'll be more than happy.

Byron Bay Ocean Swim Weekend

pre-race preparations

The crowd assembles at the beach at the start of the race.

This weekend was spent in Byron Bay, as is our tradition for the first weekend in May. The annual ocean race there attracts keen swimmers, and those just keen to jump in and do the 2.2km from Wategoes Beach to Byron's Main Beach with around 2000 other competitors. The beach was crowded with speedo clad guys & girls before the race as the various waves headed out in age groups. It's hard to know where to look, with Byron in true form throwing a combination of spectacular scenery, crystal clear warm water with perfect waves, and stunning men (and women I'm told). These photos taken by one of our group while I limbered up for my swim. Its always hard leaving Byron Bay, and though it's the second time we've been there this year, I'd happily go back again and again. Thanks to our entourage for making it a fun weekend and looking after Amélie while we swam! She had a ball too. Before we know it she'll be competing too .

Stockholm and Swedish things

While I'm quite a fan of Sweden, perhaps a little biased by the men, it's been by accident more than planning a bit of a Swedish weekend starting off Saturday night with a trip to the Theatre to see, you guessed it Stockholm. I'd long forgotten the storyline from the subscription guide last year and hadn't read any reviews, in fact I'd forgotten the name of the play until Saturday. So when it began with a striking couple speaking of themselves in the third person followed by a host of unexpected twists and turns, I was hooked, totally captivated by the whole mix of colour, music, intensely physical choreography and developing story of a beautifully dysfunctional relationship. The sex scenes were really hot, even if they were straight. I was truly taken away into the story, which is for me what theatre is all about and I'd highly recommend it apart from the fact that Saturday night was the final performance. Oh and while there were Swedish themes - it was not actually Swedish.

Update: Stockholm will reappear at the Riverside Theatre in Parramatta from May 26 - 29th. Details here.

Which brings us to Sunday, and with rain descending we headed to the cinema to see The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I had heard it was good, but wasn't sure of detail. It continued the Swedish theme - a Swedish movie, subtitled in English, though I understand some Swedish which is useful yet distracting. The movie was totally gripping. Loved it, as disturbing as it was at times, I didn't want to miss a second. It was a little saddening to hear there are plans afoot to make a Hollywood version of it already... what's wrong with appreciating the original? Even if you have to read subtitles it's still extraordinary.

Unplanned Heaven

Weekend Forecast: Cool, Rainy.

Work: Rostered on - Saturday

Social plans: nil.

The weekend looked uninviting.

The reality - a whole different story.

Unexpected guests from near and afar, time spent at the beach in the sunny weather that replaced the rain and hot guys who appeared randomly making the weekend even more stunning. Add in there some games of tennis, scrabble, cycling and more bodysurfing and swimming with the youngster, throw in a mix of meals of different varieties and locations and I'm at the end of an awesome unplanned weekend.

I'm not planning the same again.

Next weekend perhaps.

Taking hold, and letting go

Amélie holding onto my dad's hand - in Hospital.

My dad came out of hospital today. It's a place he's not really frequented in his life but managed to be in for 12 days this admission. He was wheeled to the exit and into the passenger seat of my mum's car - another place he's not generally found - and home with a few walking-frame-navigated distances into a modern apartment now adorned with various mobility aids and hospital style elevated chairs. They all look so out of place. My dad has always been a powerhouse, the guy who lifts cars, fixes everything, climbs into ceiling spaces to install lights and the like, and to see him walking slowly and deliberately with his new titanium reinforcements now inserted into his fractured femur is a little disconcerting. It makes you think about life's responsibilities...

I was driving home afterwards thinking, if something serious happened - would I be able to sort out my parent's affairs, organise appropriate farewells. Would I cope emotionally? I've not ever contemplated life without them, but fragility is just a short mis-taken step away. I see photos of my daughter with my parents and I wonder what memories she will have of them, will they be anything like those I have of my grandparents? My niece the other day asked of my grandmother "...the lady with the purple hair?" but oh, she was so much more than that, the emotions and experiences that are imprinted in my being from her are a powerful influence to this day. And then I see how different my life has been from that of my parents, how I'm partly in their world, but with a foot in another world and Amélie in turn will have her own path...

It does make one look at things with a different perspective. Issues that may have once been all consuming in various relationships become minor details that are insignificant in the grand scheme of things. One's transience becomes a whole lot more obvious. But it's not necessarily a negative thing. I think it's more a reminder that each day is something to be grasped by the balls and run with. There'll be plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead.

One Step Closer

These are my newest fashion accessory... Well, sporting accessory at least, and calculated from a test cycle just now these babies have improved my speed by approximately 4%. I literally ground my last set of pedals to pieces, so to replace those rather last century leather strap contraptions I've joined the real cyclists with clip on ones. Now that I'm cycling in addition to swimming and running I'm going to be asked a lot more now when I'm starting competing in triathlons... that hasn't been decided upon, but I'm tempted. But where to begin?

It's a sensational day today. I'm so glad not to be working, and prior to the cycle I hit the water for an epic swim with some friends a little farther south of home. Right now I'm enjoying babysitting the sleeping child and watching the waves roll on in while the Frenchman has gone in for a dip himself. Ah bliss...

Oh Yes We CAN!

On April 1st I posted the article below which detailed a study identifying how gays & lesbians were shown to perform below par with their straight counterparts. It was of course an April Fools Day joke. Did anyone notice?

The whole idea of the actual poster series (openartistmovement.com) is to demonstrate people who are gay, successful and empowered. I personally love this image both for the hotness factor and the retro reference. And yeah, we can too.

No We Can't

A recent study at The Royal London Institute of Gender Studies, released today, establishes that gay men and lesbian women perform on average, well behind their heterosexual counterparts in a range of physical and intelligence testing over a wide range of testing protocols. Associated with the study was an assessment of workplace performance where those who identified as gay or lesbian were shown to have significantly lower income and workplace ranking compared with their age matched and culturally similar heterosexual counterparts. Interestingly the study showed that those who identified as bisexual performed, on average, well above both their homosexual and heterosexual counterparts in all testing. The formal results, to be released later today, are expected to cause quite a stir in the scientific as well as gay and lesbian communities, but a spokesperson for the International Bisexual Alliance has already stated "It shows we really do have the best of both worlds."

I wore my sunglasses at night

In fact we all wore our sunglasses at night. It was a hoot, the whole evening. One of those spontaneous ones that just develops like a snowball on a powder snow mountain - you roll, you fall you laugh as the powder fills your lungs - you get up, keep going and don't stop laughing.

A text in the mid afternoon was the first snowball, a final dinner for a good friend and one time flat mate returning to her Melbourne nest after some months in Sydney, the location - who knows, we'll work it out as time approaches, perhaps a movie after. The second snowball, a call from other friends - are we keen to see a movie (the same movie) - perhaps do dinner before? Hmm.... yes sure, we're in - in fact we have it planned but for dinner - you choose the restaurant & we'll be there.

The restaurant is Japanese and hip, there are people waiting for hours for tables but we're in and the food is waiting for us. The conversation is a thousand miles an hour, the food constant and mouthwatering, we're laughing, there are photos, there are shared and unidentified morsels. I think there was wine. We don't stop. We talk all the way to the cinema, we wear the polarised glasses well before we get into the 3D cinema - it's completely nerdy and we're on such a high we don't care. In fact they're so bad they're fabulous.

We laugh through the movie, though not everyone in the cinema does, and run in the pouring rain that greets us as we leave, still wearing the sunnies, still on a high and it feels like we're in our own little movie, the rest of the world the extras.

Saying goodbye to our Melbourne-bound friend is the sad end to the screenplay, it was a great film and I'm looking forward to the sequel.

It can't come soon enough.

Mannervescence

Those in Australia will have seen the stunning 'schweppervescence' ads (see below). I'm waiting for the next campaign more along the lines of the above photo.

I'd drink to that.

A Single Man

I was lucky enough to be invited to see a preview of A Single Man at the Open Air Cinema in Sydney on the weekend. Sitting outdoors with Sydney Harbour, The Opera House and Harbour Bridge before you is always a great way to spend the evening, but with a screen that pops up and plays a movie as divine as A Single Man, it's perfect. But then there was the rain... Thankfully ponchos were provided to keep us less wet, I've worn quite a few of these over the years, but the rain didn't dampen the impact of the movie. Beautifully filmed, exquisitely acted and moving, right from the start, with an element of tension right through. I highly recommend it. Tom Ford's directorial debut is an impressive display of his diverse talent.

A Superchilled 4 stars.

absent gay men

Eight and a half months into parenthood, life continues at pace, an accelerated pace. The tiny helpless baby is now manipulating objects, connecting with people and three times the size of day zero, pulling heartstrings even more than at birth. I've been thrilled at the excitement people have had to be a part of the experience and similarly surprised at the lack of interest from many gay friends. Though some other gay dads have been awesome (though not uniformly) it's our straight and lesbian friends who have taken a much keener interest. The greatest support and excitement has come from the straight community including colleagues, patients and local community. The overwhelming response from gay male friends has been their absence. I sometimes wonder why that is. Sure there is the maternal factor, but the straight guys are also more involved and supportive. Some friends haven't even seen our daughter since she was born. I understand it's our choice to do the whole parenting thing, but with an increasing trend to gay parenting I have wondered what the issue is? Some guys still think parenting needs to be with a man and a woman - though we have 2 men and one woman - or a married family unit. Some may have issues with their own paternal ambitions having been given up long ago, others may just have no interest in kids at all. Issues from prior relationships with women and children may be a factor for others. Maybe this is just my own experience, does anyone else have an opinion or experience of this?

I'm enjoying being a dad, its a hell of a lot of fun. My sense of community though, is changing.

Beached As

Brilliantly composed this image has all the elements I crave for a chilled out time by the beach. I think I might book this in for next weekend. The week though - hellishly busy!

Mardi Gras 2010

Sydney Mardi Gras organisers have sent a promo for this year's Mardi Gras, below. If you're tired of the northern chill maybe you should think about heading down for bit of southern hemisphere warmth and hospitality. You know you want to.

4min 3 sec

Rough Looks

There's something about the unshaven look coupled with sparkling visual clarity that just takes your breath away, as these photos demonstrate. Of course if you're still breathing you may decline to vote - otherwise you may like to pick the man who takes your breath most away.

Michael Fitt

Michael Brent

Luke Guldan

Rodrigo Guiaro Diaz

Rough Look 5

This one's for you Geoff.

Small strokes, big steps and Bondi.

As a kid I grew up in a seaside suburb, but I never really spent a lot of time at the beach. Sure there'd be days we'd head down for a swim, but not as a regular thing. I was more inactive, a little overweight, and more introverted really. I could swim, but I never competed save for the yearly school swimming carnival and now and again the next level if I freaked a good lap time there. Training? Did people really do that? I certainly didn't feel at home at the beach or wherever there were swim squads or other sporting pursuits.

So today is a life far removed from my childhood. Above and below are photos of Bondi beach today (somewhat modified as you can see) after the ocean swim that was today's competition. I started swimming in senior high school when I realised I was a bit overweight and needed to do something about it. Training on my own I started cycling to school (it wasn't all that close to home) and then after school to the 25m pool which had me gasping at the end of each lap. It gradually grew from there, still without any formal training, occasionally with friends but no real physical challenge. Then in preparation for the gay games in 2002 in Sydney I agreed with a friend to train for it - actually go the whole hog, squads, gym, the works. He didn't continue but I kept on and ultimately competed successfully (it was a lot of fun but some seriously hard work too). I had broken my own self created mould. I'd become a competitive athlete. With time my love for things aquatic continues to grow, I live by the water, swim daily whether it be in the waves with crowds, on my own with the sharks, in the pool with fellow trainers or with with 7 month old Amélie who just this weekend got to try on her new goggles (and loved them). And on days like today compete with people who used to be completely foreign to me. I'm still that other guy too, but I do more things now and I love it.

Life is a series of small steps. Sometimes though we need to take bigger steps and see where we land. The start of the year is a great chance to take some new steps, then see where we are come December.

2010

Will we be saying twenty ten, two thousand and ten or perhaps two oh one oh?

I think I like twenty ten best, easy, fast and kinda cool.

I'm starting back at work this week after some time off but I'm not too stressed about the idea of it yet. That may all change as I walk in the door Monday morning... I certainly will be looking forward to more time away from work though over summer, with time at the beach, surfing and swimming a distinct priority.

Over the break I headed to Byron Bay which has to be one piece of heaven. It's certainly the place to go to people watch - if you like watching gorgeous men (think washboard abs and board shorts barely holding on) - but has a fair share of eateries, beaches and surrounding points of interest as well. I'm going back, definitely. Can I go now?

For those following young Amélie, she is now 7 1/2 months and developing at rapid pace. She's been to the beach a few times, even got dumped in a freak wave but didn't miss a beat and has been ever keen to return (arms and legs go wild whenever we talk about going there or when walking there). It seems she's caught my love of the water, which is perfect. She may well be swimming before she's walking, but time will tell.

I have no specific plans for the blog this year, but am happy for any input as to likes and preferences for the year ahead. I'm going to busy this year outside blogging with a host of events focussing significantly on Amélie as one might expect, but life goes on outside of parenthood and I'm keen to continue being active in all spheres.

Right now I'm updating my music collection and scanning in old cd's to add finally a little diversity to my iTunes collection. Any new and interesting music suggestions are welcomed while I'm at it.

Happy New Year. Let's see what we can all make of it.

Small footprints, big impacts.

I wish you all a fantastic year

Merry Superchilled Christmas

I'm lying naked in bed in the far north. It's warm and the sound of the ocean is lazing its way into the room. It's certainly not the White Christmas of last year. Santa has made a comeback this year though and any time now will be heading down our chimney to deliver gifts for the newest addition to the family. We had been debating the institution of Santa this year, and whether he would be alive and kicking for Amélie's first Christmas. The stranger danger, the stupid red hot suit, the lying to your child issues have been put aside and we're embracing the unique childhood fantasy that is Christmas time. And I love it. There are stocking out already filled with gifts as with evidence of a hastily departing man in a red suit. Santa has been kind to us all and delivered the most gorgeous men to the beaches and quite frankly everywhere around here, so I'm thanking him every day, tomorrow Amélie will get to have her own fun.

Let the games begin.

Merry Christmas everyone.

So THAT was Christmas

I've had Christmas already.

No I mean it, I've had it, celebrated, eaten the celebratory food, opened the gifts, sat back and chatted with relatives about life the universe and almost everything, including all too often medical problems. We've celebrated early as my family is essentially flying off to various corners of the earth for Christmas day and it was the last time we could get together before parting ways. With a little'un in tow there have been a lot of gaps: the events and discussions that happened while I was getting her off to sleep or feeding etc, which just adds to the mayhem of what is already a chaotic day, the end of which is filled with sighs and exasperated collapses into lounges back at home.

This year has also seen me take our daughter, holding her in her front pack (where she's sitting strapped on the front of me) to the kids Christmas party we hold for patients at our practice, with The Frenchman coming as well. It was a little daunting, as it's the first time we've been together at an essentially public function locally as a couple with a kid... and certainly a lot of attention was directed our way. Some quite invasive questioning also followed from people who were at least interested in our set up, but after a while one does tire of explaining everything. I guess this is what it's like being a frontrunner in this part of the country where co-parenting is as common as carbon neutral coal.

Now that the big events are over, it's plain sailing to the actual Christmas Day, and I'm quite looking forward to it.

Awesome Weekend

So I've woken up at 7am, at the latest, every day (including Friday) this weekend, and it has been such an intensely FULL weekend. I love it. I absolutely loved it, not all aspects mind you, but the overall rating is certainly way up there. The not so fab bits, well, they weren't all that bad in the grand scheme of things. The fab, oh so good.

I feel like I need a shower, though I've only recently had one. It's that feeling you get when you've been at the beach much of the day, a little bit of sun and wind making the skin feel that little bit, hmm, summerised. It was my first ocean swim for the year, and I powered through it and surprised myself with a placing. Big smile from me the rest of the afternoon. And what an afternoon. Weather they pick out for postcards and travel ads. Cocktails on the deck watching the waves, the setting sun, and a summer barbecue to finish it all off. The Frenchman managed to find the solitary blue bottle in the whole of the ocean on this perfect day today, and it attacked him like a frenzied shark (well, ok , it hurt). But he made it through like a trooper, finished the race and achieved a lot more.

Saturday night I escaped to see Jay Brannan in concert. He was fantastic. The warm up act was so so, and everyone was chatting like it was just background music at a bar (and in that time I caught up with friends and met someone from way back who quite surprised me). Then Jay came on and he had everyone's complete attention. There were no conversations happening, full on focus on the man of the moment on the last performance in his world "I suck at life" tour. I love his humour, though some may not. His music is a lot of fun, sometimes moving, some times hilarious, and the live performance was sensational, a natural and easygoing performer with stunning vocal ability. I'm so glad I managed to get there and had some friends who took me in.

Amélie had her first sleep over without her mum on the weekend. Stressful for her mum, but exciting for her dads! It was a lot of fun. She's always a lot of fun and so easy. It's so easy in fact it feels like I'm not really being a dad at all, it's supposed to be hard work isn't it? I mean there's a lot to do, but once I'm awake, it's not so hard.

I'm voting for more of these weekends, and more of the people who take them that step above the ordinary.

photos from the bondi to bronte ocean swim site