Saturday, 23 May 2015
Okay so it's about to be my birthday, but I'm declaring an end to all official days of celebration.
For Adults, Kids, EVERYONE.
Christmas is over. Forever.
It was nice while it lasted, but it had to go. In our culture of overconsumption we have everything we need - and then some, so Christmas gifts are out. Down here in Australia for Christmas we have fake snow, fake icicles, everything to make it look like winter, in the middle of summer. Stoopid. There will be Glacier Saving CO2 emission reductions from the end of travel to myriad destinations where we are expected but mostly don't want to be on Christmas Day. Waistlines will be sharpened with the end of gluttonous overeating celebrating the birth of someone most of us don't believe existed. We can forget being more 'straight' or polite for those relatives who are not so tolerant, or of whom we are less tolerant; and annual family Christmas arguments will become myth. Peace and quiet will fill the land!
Santa: You're Sacked.
Pack your bags Easter Bunny.
Who eats boatloads of chocolate to celebrate the death of someone? If you're truly stricken with grief you'll have no appetite at all. We are pulling the plug, there'll be a fall in diabetes and obesity; and hot cross buns can be replaced with HOT BUNS mmmm.
Anyone for rabbit stew?
Father's Day / Mother's Day.
Really it's just like Christmas, but for those who aren't procreationally challenged. Blatant discrimination. The pressure to be nice and declare one's parents are the best in the world are features for this celebration. Maybe they are, but maybe they're not. If your kids are rejects, they'll turn up on mother's/father's day expecting a free feed that you'll have to prepare. Be kind to your parents, if you want, and surprise them with gifts and your company when they least expect it. They'll be much happier. Parents' days are done.
Well, where do we start? If you like yellow brick roads, then these may be for you. But if you're really committed to the person you love, then people will see that and know that. You'll be lugging each other's groceries home in the rain and finding their favourite delicacy at that little shop at the end of that narrow lane with the one missing cobblestone that you always trip in. You don't need to spend 10 business class round-the-world airfares for a day of airbrushed photos with people you won't get enough time to speak to for more than a minute or two, even if you really really want to, to prove you love someone. Oh and at least in Australia if you're gay you can't officially get married anyway. Stuff it.
First Class Lounge: Here I come!
Australia Day / [insert your own] National Day.
I appreciate my country for what it is. Unreservedly. I don't appreciate folk who drape a flag around themselves and pretend they're more Australian than someone else or beat their hands on their chest with pride at their country's achievements. Quiet achievers are far and away the ones I respect the most. Do it. Do it well. And make it even better for the next guy/gal. If you want to drink yourself into oblivion, call it alcoholism, not nationalism. If you want to wave a flag, do it for everyone, better still give the flag to someone who might not recognise it. Smile. And go build a wind farm.
Valentine's Day is Abolished. Now the proof you are in love is no longer defined by a dozen long stemmed Crimson Roses being delivered with Lindt Chocolates to your lover's workplace. Facebook will no longer be filled with videos of proposals being made on this one official day of romance. Be like the stereotypical French and be amorous every day. Kiss in the street, on the train, in the park, make love every day. The gate is open spread forth the love, just don't limit it to February 14th.
It's the day you came out of your mother's vagina, or possibly you were cut out surgically. Hardly a day to celebrate, better a day to forget and move on. Oh that's right, we don't talk about vaginas or caesareans. Shhh, if you're quiet the day will go by and nobody will utter a word. "What about this weather!" "Look at all the birds and the bees... oh wait, no".
Posted at 00:20
Tuesday, 12 May 2015
About New Year's Eve
New Year's Eve until I was in my mid twenties was spent around a campfire with extended family and perhaps an odd smattering of friends. Staring at the animated embers, chatting about the past year and contemplating the year to come. There'd be an occasional song, a lot of laughter and at midnight the big thing was streamers being thrown at the person opposite you over the fire then falling into the fire and burning..
Falling in love is the subject of countless songs, books, movies and, undoubtably, psychology sessions. It's a time when your whole biochemistry is modified. You see the world in a different hue. The person who is the focus of your attention is fascinating, beautiful and flawless. At least that's how you'll see it. You want to spend all your time with them and pine for them when they're not around. You may even feel incomplete without them.
It's understandable that people get addicted to falling in love and move from one budding relationship to the next once the biochemistry normalises, the flaws enlarge and beauty fades. And right now you're expecting the talk about 'staying for the course'..
And as I sit down on this Free-seated Yangon Air flight I sense something in the air. And it's not the plane. There must be years of vomit here, all not quite completely cleaned up. And every seat I try has it. I start to wonder if their budget for cleaning and customer experience is higher or lower than their maintenance budget. And pray that it is lower, much much lower.
Wednesday, 7 May 2014
Posted at 00:13
Monday, 14 October 2013
Wednesday, 8 May 2013
Posted at 22:34
Thursday, 14 February 2013
Posted at 01:49
Thursday, 18 October 2012
Monday, 3 September 2012
Thursday, 23 August 2012
Wednesday, 8 August 2012
Monday, 6 August 2012
Wednesday, 1 August 2012
Tuesday, 31 July 2012
Posted at 01:43
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
Posted at 03:01
Saturday, 7 July 2012
Posted at 02:35
Monday, 25 June 2012
Saturday, 2 June 2012
I recently came into the market for a pair of sunglasses when mine got ingloriously run over by a car. Having trouble finding what I wanted I turned to the net to see what was on offer and found Ray Ban has on their website a 'virtual mirror' where you an try on the sunnies in their range. I was a tad sceptical, but had a bit of time to kill so tried it out.
I've since tried all the glasses in their range, partly for laugh value, but it's a seriously cool tool and worth a look. Now I have no ties with Ray Ban and I'm not sure how long this has been operational, but it's worth a look. (Of course you need a camera on your computer).
Check it out: HERE.