Can you get enough?

I've had a great break, and being away from web-publishing /posting for a while it has allowed me think about exposure & personal revelation on the web and indeed in everyday life.

 

During the break I read an article in the Sydney Morning Herald entitled Too Much Information (see the full article here), and it resonated strongly with me. It basically explores the concept of keeping things personal in an increasingly public world.

What do we think we can reasonably expect to know about other people, and they about us?

The gossip magazines know our appetite for celebrity news, their continued existence demonstrates that clearly. But these days it isn't just about celebrities. Reality TV shows take us into the hearts and minds of their literal guy-next-door stars, blogs tell-all about their authors as well as whatever information they divulge about others. It's not just what they're wearing or where they're holidaying, it's who they're having sex with and how they're doing it, what they're obsessing over, what's happening in their relationships & families, why they're having counselling; there really is no limit to the detail. Blogs and Facebook pages become forums on their owners' private lives, whether they like it or not, though usually triggered by self published information. The more we see it around us, the more we expect people to be forthcoming with all the details of their intimate lives. 

Personal information has become not a saleable commodity, but an expected part of routine social intercourse. Penile dimensions and sexual preferences often prioritised ahead of personality, occupation or, god forbid, political persuasion. Conversations that don't enter into the sordid are seen as bland, boring, conservative and oh-so-last-century. I was sitting chatting with The Frenchman and close female friend of ours in a public space last week when a woman sitting within earshot interrupted us to ask if we were a threesome. We were speechless. 

The future is looking to get even more invasive. Today's primary school kids email and text each other day and night discussing their latest crushes and all manner of topics, just a decade ago you'd rarely have seen a letter and even more rarely a phone call from these kids who are now texting 24/7.  How much information about their school mates will they know by the time they get to high school? 

I see relationships being shredded live on the net with all and sundry getting in on the action with intimate details let loose. People get hurt, and the world looks on and wants more. What's the juice? What's the Goss? Who's doing what to whom? It's okay, you can tell me, [I'll only divulge it if it feels right at the time.]

Have you ever been told that because you haven't shared your entire sexual history with someone, you're not really a friend?

When will we get enough? Will we ever be satiated with the information we draw in?

And do we really need it?

It seems what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas any more. The ability to compartmentalise various aspects of our lives is seen now as a bad thing, transparency is king. But laying our lives bare for analysis and criticism is not always productive and frequently boundaries are blurred and out of context we are misinterpreted. Do you want to have your manhunt or gaydar profile blended with your Facebook profile? Being able to share things deeply personal with a trusted few is something that enriches those relationships. Share them with the world and do people really appreciate it?

Are we happy to divulge our personal lives to everyone? Personally I'm increasingly not. There are elements that I'm happy to share where I feel my experiences may benefit others. There are bloggers who are extremely candid with their posts about their lives which can put them in the firing line from all and sundry. Certainly there are times when this can truly be beneficial, especially in the gay world where dealing with HIV, family and coming out can be significantly aided by following others' personal experiences. But where is the boundary between personal development and voyeuristic infotainment? 

I like a little mystery, uncertainty, the element of surprise. It's what makes the world an interesting place and people more intriguing. Having to make a little effort to explore all the hidden places in people's lives is a lot more interesting than having them served up on a platter. It is after all the journey that is half the fun, and I want 100% not just half of it.

Modelling Opinion

What is our fascination with celebrities? In the US presidential campaign there are endless celebrities supporting one or other candidate, but very few other more educated / experienced people promoted as supporting candidates. Why is it we are  more interested and more swayed by a celebrity's opinion than someone who really does know better?

Sure there are some celebrities who know their stuff and whose opinion is well respected, but the others? Why do they get the limelight? Why do we buy the magazines they fill and follow their relationships / pregnancies / diets so avidly? If a supermodel votes for one party - why should that make me want to vote for them? If a rock star calls their child 'Cherry-pie' should I call mine the same too?

It's not just about elections, it's life in general. We select the beautiful people all too often to be the ones who choose our directions. 

I guess we all want to look beautiful. We see the Abercrombie models looking great in (and out of) various clothes and we want to buy that lifestyle. The clothes are a step towards that, and perhaps following what they do will make us more like them... or at least the image of them. We want to be liked in the way it seems the celebrities are liked, and so we emulate them, do what they do, or at least what they say they do.

Of course if we look at the paths of celebrities, shown in detail in the popular press and the reality TV, we see that the image of them is frequently not the reality. Perhaps we take comfort in that, relish the fall of these 'gods', to see that we're all human after all. So why do we bother following their lives in the first place? Let's lead our own lives. Find our own paths, and be directed by those who can better guide us than the winner of the latest MTV music video award.

Life is the people we spend it with. It's talking about things that are important and funny, and mean something to us. Embarking on new adventures, sharing times and meals, of arguing the point and realising we're wrong. Being the person we want to be, in the clothes we feel comfortable in. Determining our goals and making our way towards them. Helping out the people who need us when we least can afford them the time. Above all it's about being who we are and sharing more of ourselves with those in our own worlds. 

Models and movies stars may be good for styling cues, but it's time for a wider diversity of guidance for the important parts of our lives. 

Interview Panel: Session 3

If you had to pick a celebrity for a husband – who would it be?

Aussielicious: Jake Gyllenhall, I don't think an explanation is required. He's hot and seems down to earth.

Gay Banker: Difficult, because I don't do vacuous. But Oscar Wilde or Alan Turing would have been good in their prime, both good homos from my part of the world who definitely weren't vacuous :-).

London Preppy: Josh Lewsey from the England rugby team. I want blonde children

Single in the City: Tough one....I think I'd love to be with Brendan Fraser (the actor). I think he's a hottie, but also seems very smart and with a great sense of humour. The only thing I'd change would be his accent...I'd give him a British one!

Superchilled: I think I'd choose Matt Damon - he's creative, intelligent, not too ugly, and outside the celebrity norm.

The Green Light at the end of the Dock: Rupert Everrett

Who would you choose?

idealisticity

I guess I'm an idealist. You're supposed to get to a point in life where you see that being idealist doesn't work - and you move on to the next best thing. Perhaps I have yet to go there - or perhaps I've been there - and moved right through the circle again, but I still want to change the world, to make it a better place - help people to be happy in their worlds. Perhaps I'm a tad romantic - and maybe the rose coloured glasses I seem to be wearing need to be turned down a shade or two... But life is more than just about accepting the status quo. No?

It's easy to go about life just following the yellow brick road. But as a gay man - for me there was a point that I had to jump off that road. Life wasn't quite what it was made out to be. I was different from the rest of the crowd, even though I was walking the same road with them, to a point. But when I looked at my world from a different perspective, as a kind of outsider looking in - it was kind of like in the Matrix movies - you learn to see the code behind all of the things you once didn't ever question. And so I started to question things - why should I follow religious ideology when it really didn't seem to want to understand me? Do I really need to do the whole car, wife, house, dog, kid, holidays down the coast thing? Is society right with all the sexual taboos and is it's moral code really of benefit to the real people out there? Sometimes the answer was yes - or 'it works for me' but sometimes not. But just by looking at things with a more critical perspective it has made me think, how can I make this better? Can I help make the rest of the world look at the code and wonder if it can be improved upon too? Or am I seriously deluded?

I can see great potential in this world - and I think I can do great things to enable some of this - but sometimes it just seems too hard - where to begin? What to aim for specifically? But looking at the bigger picture, how long has it taken for us to take the environment seriously? Half the things that are starting to become common ideals now were in high school text books decades ago. I'm not exactly going to solve the problems of the world in the next 30 years, is there any point in trying? I'm not exactly read here by the millions that flock to Perez Hilton. And face it - there aren't a lot of people around who really are trying terribly hard to make a difference, so it's much easier to just fit in and watch the latest reality TV celebrity crap.

I'm a glass half full kinda guy though. I look for the positive. And by looking I guess I see it more readily than those who do not. It can drive people crazy, but I'm not about to change it. I can take a decent photograph, I can counsel the dying and occasionally heal the sick, I can organise incredibly intricate social events and can even string a few words together, but how am I going to seriously make a difference in the world? Should I use the force, or succumb to the hedonism of the dark side?

Brush with Celebrity...

After posting the clip of Nemesis - the gay twin singing duo - Jed from Minnesota emailed a picture of his brush with celebrity. They were performing at the national human rights campaign dinner, and seem to be rather personable, (just like Jed!) Thanks for the picture.

Rules of Attraction

In one of my opening posts, with a pic of Brad Pitt as my example, I pondered the cult of celebrity, and being 'cool'. Today I'm throwing Angelina into the mix, more specifically in her role as Lara Croft - Tomb Raider, because she is quite consistently one of the characters that many gay men find incredibly sexy - in a way they frequently don't with most women. Now I know not everyone will agree with this, but sitting here in my no. 6 on the Kinsey Scale, I know there is truth in it. It might be her masculinity (interestingly coupled with quite some femininity), the fact that she's playing a typically male role (and some will find triggers to memories of Raiders of the Lost Ark...) or maybe she's just universally sexy. Perhaps its just the accent she does for the role, I do love accents... Maybe the straight or not-so-gay men and women reading this might like to shed some light on the matter. I also personally find Cameron Diaz quite sexy in a similar way - but I'm not quite sure how I can explain it - I'm certainly not falling off the gay wagon, but if either of them were in the next wagon passing by - I know I'd be tempted...

Are YOU cool enough?

Why do we strive for conformity? - We buy the brands that 'celebrities' buy, watch the tv shows everyone watches, go on holidays to the places that are popular... I guess if people look good in what they're wearing or driving or holidaying... then we think we might also look good - and become as popular or glamorous... I find increasingly the most attractive people are the ones who find their own way - defy the crowds - wear things a little different - do things that aren't exactly commonly done, but it works for them - and they are more interesting and appealing.

Are you cool enough?

Chances are if you don't really know or don't really care - then you probably are.