Saturday night around midnight, Federation Square Melbourne. There is a buzz on the street with people out and about, eating, drinking and stumbling home. I'm headed back to the hotel after a progressive dinner in a few funky restaurants and find myself in the middle of a group of women, the tallest comes to about my armpit. I rapidly find out they've been celebrating (we'll call her) Sharon's 30th birthday. Sharon rapidly approaches (are they kidding me?! surely this is a 40th celebration, and I'm being kind) and before I know it I have an intoxicated, overweight woman hanging off me with closed eyes and pursed lips pushing in my direction. The emergency evacuation buzzer alarms and I'm out of there before you can say "gay man's nightmare". I hear the words "he's shy" from the group she's with as I'm running across the busy street narrowly avoiding cars and trams. She has good friends.