telephone frustrations

We've all had bad experiences with call centres, and I'm certainly no fan, but there is a book of telephone etiquette for the everyday phone owner / telephone receptionist just waiting to be written...

Voicemail: "I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message after the..."

It's your mobile phone - it's in your pocket / backpack or somewhere very close to you.

Try: "I'm not answering this call right now..."

Voicemail: "My phone is switched off at the moment, so please leave a message"

It rang 10 times before it diverted... it IS switched on.

Try: "I often ignore my phone, please leave a message, I MAY get back to you."

Answerer: "Can I put you on hold for a moment? "

Me: "Actually it's urgen... [chiming 'hold' music cuts in].

Preferred option: "I'm putting you on hold, I'm not sure when I'll be back if ever" or "Please hold, I'll be exactly 13 seconds" and be exactly 13 seconds.

Voicemail: "Please leave a message, then press hash, spin around in a circle, press 2 followed by 4 followed by 3, press hash again, repeat your message and..."

Try: "Don't even bother, just hang up now."

Oh, and while singing voice messages can be a lot of fun, especially when you have multiple household members taking part, it doesn't always sound so fun when your doctor is phoning to leave a message about those test results. [yes yes, first hand experience for these]

Of course, if the person on the other end is the guy in the photo above, one tends to not notice all of the above. Lucky buggers.

With one exception: taking a call while you're in with your doctor (ie me) and continuing a personal & banal conversation (in fact anything that's not life & death) is very uncool regardless of how ruggedly handsome you are.

Anyone else with telephone peeves?