The Art of Unproductivity

I'm an on-the-go kinda guy, a day isn't complete unless a thousand things have been accomplished and I've arrived in bed late more because of the time rather than me actually wanting to stop. Thursdays are not quite that kind of day. This is the day I look after my now 2 1/4 year old daughter. Getting a handful of things done, outside of looking after the young one, becomes a major feat. Forget hundreds or thousands. From the outside, having the day off work to look after a kid seems bliss, and sometimes it quite frankly is, but it is also a challenge in the mastery of multitasking. I met a friend for lunch at a cafe with my daughter this Thursday. She had woken (and hence so had I) early and was a little more tired than planned by lunch time. ie Slightly grumpy & not so sociable. Not the best start. Tiredness brings on a little bit of food aversion, or at least a bigger tendency to play with it, and make noises when things aren't going precisely her way. Conversation was a little stuttered with my very forgiving friend. Through my mind is going a constant checklist - is she eating enough, am I going to need to use the bathroom, is there a change table there, are we disturbing the other cafe patrons, what did my friend just say, do I need to get toys out or will she cope without, is letting her watch Dora the Explorer on the iPad a bad parenting decision. Oh and there's more but after we get home, having sun all the way there in the car to keep her awake, and she decides she isn't going to sleep her usually early afternoon nap, I go into a meltdown. It's the time I was counting on to get stuff done.

One has to cut ones expectations and learn to enjoy being just a dad, playing silly games, drawing and building with blocks, running around in circles, dancing and singing like you've never done before. And it is a lot of fun.

When you let go of everything else.

Pitbull / Marc Anthony - So Eurovision, So Gay?

I heard this track on the radio a week or so ago and felt like I'd heard it before. It sounded like a Eurovision song but I couldn't quite pick which one it was. I Shazamed it to find out and "Pitbull featuring Marc Anthony" was the answer. Now I've just looked at the video, and the the chorus is just so camp and so Eurovision, I'm wondering what it all means. Of course I'm not spending any real time thinking about it, but it's funny, it's not the image these guys usually project as far as I am aware.

August: The End is Near

August is the month that defines my year. It's not that anything special happens in August, it's just that when it comes around it's the sign that the year really is closer to the end than the beginning. People start talking about Christmas even Christmas parties. August is the last month of our winter and the time we start to look forward to a nearing spring and the summer it in turn heralds. And before you know it by the time you've thought about August it feels like the end of the year is here. But wait, there's so much to be done before summer comes along. And I still have that 6 pack to procure before it's warm enough to be meandering shirtless. Maybe it will happen this year. But it's August, have I left my run too late? I'm telling myself it's just another day in another year, which only has boundaries because we have constructed them. But it doesn't work, it's the end, the year is officially not new, not young, and there's so much to be done.

Populate or perish?

Imagine you're in an empty warehouse. Immense open space, and you.

Sitting on a chair.

If we add a little magic, you can populate the environment around you in any way you choose. You may make it into a neat forest, with you resting on a day bed in the middle, or reclining in a hammock. It could be the ultimate dance party with a selection of people - will they be men or women? a mix, hot & sexy or guy/girl next door types, maybe a very specific kind of party goer? Perhaps just one person dancing only with you.

It might become a theatre, a cinema, a Googleplex. Perhaps an oasis like resort with waterfalls and plunge pools. It might be a mammoth sauna / bath house or a vast dark space with just a string quartet playing under a spotlight . The ultimate warehouse residence with mezzanines, grand staircases, designer art, a butler and a resident chef catering for your impromptu dinner parties. Maybe it's a library with walls of books.

You're going to create something entirely different from me or anyone else and this would be different now from if I asked you 1 hour ago.

People often think they know what you are thinking. Chances are there are a thousand other things happening in your head one of which might be close, but the reasoning behind it might not connect at all with what they are thinking. Just as you really have no idea of their thoughts or the reasons behind them.

It easy to stereotype or assume thought patterns, but if one keeps an open mind, you can travel to whole new worlds through the people around you. You just need to ask loads more questions, assume nothing and not build walls where there aren't any.

What kind of worlds will you find?

I'll have what He's having

I reader has kindly recommended this video, and I can't think of any reason not to agree. A little bit of hotness for the start of the weekend.

Is there a point? I don't know. And tonight I really don't care. Click below and watch a little pretty.

Just because it's sexy

47 seconds

Training Partner?

I've lost my training partners.

I've lost my coaches.

Some have moved out of the area, some are temporarily in the Northern Hemisphere, some just don't train any more. And too many have been hit by cars. On bikes. Bloody Drivers.

My brother is still out of action in a training sense from his accident, and my swim coach is in hospital in a coma.

I've always been an independently motivated guy and so I go on and push myself to go better, harder, faster on my own. But I like people and I like working as a team, or even just working independently but connecting with someone along the way. I miss them all. The people who would just be there and do stuff, and push hard, and sometimes not but still have fun along the way.

And so I'm looking out for new people to fill the void. They may or may not look like the guy in the picture, but so long as they challenge me in some way I really don't mind. I just have no idea where I'm gonna find them.

June 2011

Wandering around Paris it really seems the city of love is more a city of unhappiness. Almost all the faces one encounters looks like it's just been told bad news, or is pissed off with everyone around it. Maybe the high temperatures in recent days have been a catalyst for discontent, but I have never really sensed a great 'love' any time I've been in Paris. I know scores of people who rave about how they want to return here, and dream of living in Paris, but I really don't get that feeling. Don't get me wrong, I thinks it's a great city with a lot of positives, great food, loads of things happening (often closed the day or time I turn up, we'll call it bad planning) , but the sense I get is that the people who actually do live here are dreaming of being somewhere else too. Oh and the traffic is awful, (but the trains are great).

There are a host of hot men, but I don't get a sense of there being much of a sporting environment here. Which is something I would need to work on.

Pack up my wheels and...?

I'm ready for a break. Ready for some change. I've been on the merry go round for months and the 1 week break in Byron Bay was great, but enough to make me want more, not be ready to go back to every day life. I want to buy that one way ticket to anywhere and see where it leads. I want to seek the people who make me think and grow, and leave the people who stifle creativity and expression.

At the same time I want to cure my dog who has cancer and is deteriorating daily. He's the best natured labrador you could imagine, allowing my daughter to pull toys and food from his mouth, lie all over him, climb over him, as well as hug and kiss him as she too grows attached to him and searches for him whenever she arrives home. I don't want to leave him, I don't want him to leave us.

Watching a loved one dying, a little more each day, is a kind of living grief. You feel joy that he's here with you and sorrow knowing the time you have with him is increasingly short.

So I want to run away and stay where I am.

Byron

I'm hooked.

I've just completed my 4th triathlon and I'm already calculating how to better my times and be more competitive, even though I came home with gold.

It has been our tradition to head to Byron Bay to compete in their Ocean Swim race the first Sunday in May each year. It's usually a fun weekend and a last hurrah to summer as the heat disappears northwards.

This year it was a fun week, and a distinct end to summer. The triathlon follows on the next Saturday and this year I decided to hang around and do it. It was very worthwhile. While I used to enjoy the ocean swims because of the competition as well as the eye candy, triathlons have an exponentially improved eye candy quotient. Sometimes distracting but always welcomed. The race itself is a lot more taxing both physically and mentally, and I love it. My legs may hate me for it but I love the feel of getting faster and becoming the runner everyone thought I wasn't. Including me.

There are loads of interesting people in or passing through Byron and the beaches and surrounding hinterland. A week spending time watching the waves and turning off the world is an excellent option, even if there is some serious energy expenditure bookending it.

It also turns out there are a hell of a lot of gay guys getting into triathlons.

Who'll be joining me next year?

Holes in all the right places.

There's something about things that have holes that I just love. It could be the peak at something you're not supposed to see, a view of something sexy, the ability to poke your fingers into them and feel around. The curiosity as to how they formed - intentional, accidental or just with repeated use.

When I first met the Frenchman he had a pair of jeans with large holes in the legs which showed off his very sexy knees. It's one of my enduring images (and tactile memories) of those fledgling days of our relationship.

People too have holes, and I'm not talking about orifices. The imperfections they frequently try to cover up. In my work I have to poke and prod into these holes in people's lives because they're the bits that, while frequently labelled trivial, often have significant impact on their lives and health. Often in ways they have no idea of. While it can be dangerous territory to explore, the discovery of these perceived or real imperfections is often valuable for the people who harbour them. The truth is everyone has something they feel is imperfect or needs to be sheltered from the rest of the world. More often than not it's something that gives us individuality and makes us interesting and if embraced can make us better people.

For some of us being gay is that imperfection.

Butterfly Kiss

The best thing about being a dad is being able to spend loads of time playing. Getting out the lego and making things, drawing things, throwing balls around, dancing crazily around the house singing and making up the words. Repeating words or phrases and having them come back at you in increasingly refined form, sometimes days later, getting spontaneous hugs and kisses, and laughing uncontrollably at reactions you never anticipated.

Here you have a few shots of the two of us playing. Much fun.

For those following my brother's recovery (a cycling accident), he's home, out of his neck brace and going well with a lot of work still ahead. I'll be competing without him, sadly, at the Sydney Triathlon in 2 weeks. Training continues at pace.

40 40 40 104 104 104 hot hot hot

It's F*#king hot. It's 1.30am and it's still 32C. The last few days have been peaking at 40C (104F) and staying there for a while. I've put lunch time runs and cycles on the shelf for the moment. But the water is my constant companion. I went skinny dipping in a rock pool by the ocean here at midnight which was sensational - not just the cooling off but the stunning phosphorescence in the water. It was like an underwater fireworks display. At 35 degrees outside it was nice to just float around for a while until I actually felt cold. It's one of my favourite things to do in the middle of summer. Pure bliss.

My brother has made it home from hospital and is rapidly on the mend. He's on a mission it seems. Hopefully his body will keep pace with his head.

It's been a good day.

Hit the Sand

It's been an intense week and it's time to hit the sand and celebrate the weekend. For those following the progress of my daughter Amélie, she is now 20 months old and loving rolling in the sand until she's coated like a lamington, then diving in the water and splashing about, and repeating it all. I'm going to be joining her over the weekend and at one point we'll be racing in the far north of Sydney. It should be fun. I hope you have a fun filled weekend. Hopefully I'll see you at the beach!

Telephone Calls from Disaster

You know those telephone calls you get? They come out of the blue on any normal day, in the middle of doing normal things. But they're not anything normal. They're entirely extraordinary. They're phone calls you never want to answer but you don't know it until you do and then it's too late.

I got that call on Friday morning on my way to do a house call. My normal Friday work day. The patient I was going to see was dying, but the call was about my brother. He was hit by a car training on his bike. He was in the emergency department.

I'm horrified, but the voice of my sister-in-law is calm so it mustn't be too bad. But then, they hadn't let her see him yet. I'm rifling through the possibilities - and I don't like the connection of car and bike with my brother in between. I have many questions but none of which can be answered right now. Shit. I'm thinking more words but I'm a little uncertain of where to go and how concerned to get. He's in another city and I'm due to see a host of patients myself. I don't know whether to cut and run or hold off and wait for more news. I don't really concentrate well with my patient but I get by.

More news and he's alive - he's concussed but has some fractures. Okay that's not so bad.

He has 18 fractures, many involve his neck and back. Oh god that's not so good. Can he move? Does he have any spinal cord injuries...?

He can move, but he's in a lot of pain oh and he's punctured his lung. Brilliant.

It turns out the driver who pulled out in front of him from a stop sign "didn't see him" (he was wearing fluoro yellow) and was upset about his car mirror being smashed up. Lovely.

He'll be months in a neck brace and his Iron Man Triathlon in March is off.

I'm at once pissed off at the bloody driver and trying to be the supportive medically trained family. Thankfully he's in good care. But it's just so unfair.

People, keep a look out on the roads!! I don't want to be the next casualty.

summer hotness

It's not really a new year , just a continuation of the last one with a new number, and a whole lot more chocolate. Where the hell did it all come from? The cupboard is still chock full of the stuff. It is certainly making me train harder to keep lean. So come Mardi Gras I'll be back to peak form though probably not be anywhere near Mardi Gras itself.

Wandering through The Beresford hotel (so packed you could lift up your legs and still be standing) a few Sundays ago, the first time in a LONG time, I discovered the gay world is actually a whole lot more attractive than I realised. Straight men had been increasingly attractive to me compared with their gay counterparts. Perhaps its because the guys who turn up at the Beresford are a generally a little more gay-as-a-part-of-their-life rather than gay-as-a-career. Or perhaps I've just been away for too long, but regardless, it was refreshing.

This time of the year is certainly peak hot-man season, and everywhere I go I'm pleasantly distracted by men looking somewhat like those above. I've almost fallen of my bike run into a pole or swum into a wall with quite some regularity. The price of hotness. Curiously I've found through my work that the most beautiful people typically have the biggest psychological baggage. It's sad but at the same time reassuring. Yin & Yang always keeping the world in balance.

Having been especially social and entertaining for much of the summer to date, I'm now looking forward to some minimalism. Some time watching the waves roll in, and perhaps picking up a book or two and taking myself offline a little more. Time will tell if it actually happens, and I need a really good book to take me away from it all. Suggestions most welcome.

My plan for your New Year

For New Year's Eve and any night out on the town these are going to be your bodyguards. In fact you can take them wherever you want really, they're yours.

When you wake up on New Year's Day and every day this year this will either be you or your lover preparing to make your breakfast. Your pick.

Your home will be kept spick & span by your own personal house man. He comes with his own gloves.

If you get into any difficulties through 2011 and need support, these are your men. They'll be there through thick & thin to keep you moving upwards. Even though sometimes you'll want to just hold on for a bit.

If you get into a hot spot and need someone urgently. Here he is. Just don't ask him about his hose.

And at the end of each day this is how you will be greeted at the door. Time to smell the roses, or lilies or quite frankly whatever you want.

Have a fantastic 2011. Thanks to all of my regular readers for continuing to come back and read Superchilled. It's great to have you here. It's great to be here and 2011 is filled with extraordinary possibilities. Let's make them come to life.

X

How do YOU celebrate?

I'm sure by now everyone's had a toast thrown their way, "Merry Christmas; Cheers!", "To The Year ahead", "To the Year that was!", "To the Holidays!" and countless others. New Year Celebrations are classically the time when even non drinkers will clash their glass filled with something sparkling against those of others, with fireworks or loud music filling the surrounding air. And while the gold standard is usually a French Champagne, it's certainly not everyone's celebratory choice.

So I'm curious to know how YOU will be celebrating this New Year. Will it be a shared bottled of Veuve (in a a bath perhaps), a beer or three, a glass of adam's ale (water that is) or perhaps something not consumed from a glass. Maybe a celebratory activity - a nude run down a public space or a skinny dip at midnight, a night in with friends or a night in the sack. Perhaps a dance party or quiet night in the wilderness under the stars. The options are as wide as the sky is limiting. So tell me what you're doing and how you're doing it. And if it's with a beverage, what will you be sipping and who will be sharing?

Regardless of how you do it I hope you have a great celebration. I'm looking forward to a week of down time and exactly how I'm celebrating is not entirely fixed, but will certainly include some of the above.

Smashed Sprint

I'm smashed.

Those who've been following superchilled will know I've been embarking fiercely into triathlon competition. This weekend was my second race 'TriTheGong', in my home town and a sprint distance triathlon - ie 750m swim, 16km cycle and 5km run.

I'm not sure I like the hellishly early starts (I was up a bit after 4.30am) as I'd prefer to be going to bed then than getting up, but I was up and racing by 7.30am as was my brother and primary competition. The race was hard - I pushed myself harder than my first race in Noosa and tried to increase pace to fit the 'sprint' title. It turned out that I did very well, managed a podium finish in my age category, beat my brother by 2 min (he beat me in the prior race) and had a great time.

I really didn't expect to be so high in the rankings, but it shows that when you tackle the areas that need work and persevere you can make progress. So right now I'm feeling shattered and contented all at once. I'm going to have a break from competition for a little bit now, but I'm loving it. There will be more.

Has anyone else tried triathlon competition?

Keen to try?

I'm curious.

This Side of the Wall

I don't like barriers. I don't like being unable to get past things. I don't like not getting my way, but I like less not being able to express myself, or not be listened to when I'm trying to communicate something. Even if I am wrong. On those rare occasions.

I usually try to break through barriers, jump over them, knock them down, or mobilise other people who can make it happen better than I can. With my triathlon competition I have been breaking through my own barriers - yes I can run, yes I can be competitive yes I can put it all together and work through all the physical pain that threatens to be a barrier but can too be overcome.

But sometimes barriers can't be broken or cleared or overcome.

People erect impenetrable barriers. They lock me out.

Sometimes the reasons seem clear, sometimes I have no idea, but what I find entirely frustrating is when I try to shed light on the issue and the barrier is based on misinformation that noone has attempted to clarify, or the person is blocking any discussion, period. A brick wall defending their brick wall.

I have an eternally optimistic view that people will want to reconnect, clear the barriers to open up their world.

But then sometimes when these barriers have been erected for such a long time they become dark places that I don't want to go. The people behind them become obscure, distant and fading memories. Sometimes I wish them the best, sometimes I wish them the worst, but mostly I wish for clarification, resolution. But if the effort required to achieve this is so much, I wonder if it's all worth it and should I just push the barriers farther away and put in their place people who are transparent with their honest thoughts, who want to be on this side of the wall, not creating new ones, the people who replace darkness with light.

I have trouble letting go of the barrier-breaking me.