Wild, Visible & Proud Wednesday

Is being gay a small part of your world? Is it pretty much everything in your life? Or is it somewhere in between?

In Mardi Gras season we tend to see a lot of the icons of gayness, the perfectly buffed and preened bodies, varying levels of lavish and minimalist party costumes, leather S&M wear, drag and more. Its certainly what the crowds come to see, and sometimes experience. And with any big festival there's a great hype in the lead up to it all that excites and enthuses everyone to be a part of it all.

But not everyone fits the icons that Mardi Gras illuminates. I certainly remember as a teenager feeling incredibly detached from the whole idea of being gay because I certainly didn't feel I had anything in common with those icons I had come to know. Maybe I wasn't gay, I would think, despite the fact that I was attracted to men. Being gay though is not about being an iconic figure, it's about loving someone of the same sex. The rest is irrelevant really.

A parade with just normal looking people doing normal every day things isn't exactly going to get hearts racing though. But it's nice to know they're there and if I knew more people who were gay when I was still questioning where I was at in my own world, I think it might have made life considerably different.

In time, I've learned to appreciate the various aspects of the gay community and the significant diversity of it all. It doesn't mean I'm always comfortable with it all, and while I don't walk the other way when a drag queen approaches me these days, I still think about doing it... Some things I think are fantastic, like seeing people finally being able to be themselves, not having to hide sexuality or personal preferences. Other things I still find distressing, like friends suffering from substance abuse problems.

While Mardi Gras has evolved from a civil rights protest into more of a celebration of sexuality, it's still important to continue with the quest for civil rights. And probably the biggest thing people can do is to be openly gay in their own world, and be positive role models in those places.

This is all a long winded way to introduce today's Wild Wednesday - which is a challenge to look at your world and be who you are - without facades, without barriers - not who people want you to be - and to be proud of who you are. Let the world see it, and come to appreciate it, and ultimately people will demand change.

Visible and Proud, and comfortable in your own skin.

It is a challenge for more than just today.

Sunday Swimday

This was the view that greeted us as we arrived in Manly, Sunday for my 2nd ocean swim this season. Absolutely stunning. The camera was tucked away as I was in competition mode, so these are comprehensively stolen from the brilliant oceanswims.com website . As you can appreciate, there was some awesome talent in and out of the water... It wasn't just the views that were breathtaking.
This is my wave (above) starting off in the race... I'm pretty sure I was farther ahead on the right of the woman in this photo. A competitive lot!
The water was crystal clear - I got distracted by loads of fish - maybe that's why I only managed to come 4th in my category (28th out of 452 overall). But I felt good - strong and was very happy with my 28minutes 33seconds for the 2km. But damn it, I didn't make it into the top 3!! We swam again a few times after the race and after lunching with friends - it was too nice a day to stay out of the water. It has been the best weekend of the summer here this year so far. I'm looking forward to more of the same! I have some training to do to get up with the leaders though.

Much Ado about Wild Wednesday

Monty has posted his response to the Wild Wednesday self portrait challenge from a few weeks back and I'm impressed!
Click Here for his full post.

Thanks for taking part Monty!

That was Friday

I arrive at the beach this morning, it's sunny and warm, a perfect summer day like we've rarely had this summer. I look at the ocean and OH MY GOD!! The waves are HUGE. My first thought is, Surely we're not training here today?, followed rapidly by, I'm going to die! But I realise that for a change I'm not the only one who can perform CPR here so I might make it out alive after all. (And I could think of worse people to bring me back). So I dive on in and come face to face with waves that seem 3 or 4 times my height, and a lot more violent. At times I'm dragged, pummelled and sand blasted by waves in rapid succession, but I maintain my calm, if not my breath, and make it out to the buoy beyond the breakers (and feel like staying there a while as the others slowly make it out). Some of us haven't made it - and I see them retreating from the beach as we bob up and down contemplating the return journey, but the surf life savers have easily made it out - and I'm happy about that. We head back to shore and then do it all over again and I realise I've managed a surf I'd never previously have contemplated. The ocean race this weekend will be a breeze after this morning's swim I'm thinking as I shower off the sand that's by now quite literally everywhere.

The day gets more chaotic as I head to work and everyone it seems wants me to see more and more patients in all parts of the region, and I'm on the phone half the day triaging and sorting and managing on the hop. At last it's all done and I'm headed to Sydney where we're seeing "Pam Ann" at the Lyric theatre with friends. It's brilliant, she's brilliant and I'm laughing so much it hurts. The audience is almost all gay - a few strays have made it in too, but this girl is a definite gay hit, and she certainly knows her audience! Her last show is on Sat 23rd Feb. If you can get tickets - I'd highly recommend you go see her.

Your Rights at Home

If you think it's time our government changed the laws to recognise that same sex couples and their families have equal humans rights to heterosexual couples, then now it couldn't be easier to make yourself heard...

The Gay and Lesbian Rights Lobby have created a easy to complete form which sends an automated letter to support the equal treatment of same-sex couples and their children under federal law in all the 58 areas of discrimination highlighted by the Human Rights and Equal OpportunityCommission.

Click here for the site and electronic form

Then encourage your friends and family to fill it in too.

Gay Parenting

Do you want to have kids?

When I was a young lad just out of high school, I decided I'd like to have kids by the time I was 23, because that was a good time to have them I figured, when you're still young and full of energy. I'm not quite sure whether I calculated I'd be married at that point as well, but it certainly hasn't turned out quite like I'd imagined. We keep trying but there ain't no pitter patter of little feet despite years of all the right moves... Perhaps if I had the Frenchwoman instead... things might be different!

Gay parenting, just the phrase alone creates all kinds of reactions, but it's certainly a reality, and in the past year or so I've been exposed to a deluge of examples. From kids conceived in previous heterosexual relationships, to co-parenting set-ups, lesbian mums with donor sperm children and surrogate kids. Certainly for gay couples a family is rarely accidental, so planning parenthood is a whole lot more complicated than for our straight counterparts for whom it's not a question of 'Will you have kids?', but 'When will you?'

There is mixed opinion in the gay community about the whole topic. Some will argue it's a humanitarian right, some will say it's a selfish act of self replication. I'm sure you'll have your own opinion on the topic. Religious groups often say that there needs to be a mother and a father - but will they support co-parenting arrangements where there might be two mummies and two daddies? And when the community at large is littered with single parent families - what's the problem with a two same sex parents? Surely love is the bottom line. I've seen enough families out there with kids who weren't wanted and aren't cared for to know that a child who is wanted and loved is a very fortunate being in this world.

When I got used to the idea of being gay, I slowly put aside the whole parenting thing. It wasn't on the foreseeable radar, so I got used to the idea of being a non-parent and started to revel in it really. No chronic child-induced insomnia, no restriction of my free time, weekend sleep-ins as I liked and overseas holidays on a whim... But seeing the people around me who have kids makes me wonder what it might be like to endure all those things that kids inflict on parents, and be able to help mould them into confident, capable adults who are loved and supported regardless of what they make of their lives. The mums and dads who I know, when asked if they'd do it all again despite the adversities, always say they would choose parenthood again. Sure the options are pretty complex which ever way you go, but from those I've seen - it's certainly a possibility.

Would being focused on one (or a few) little people make me less of a person for the rest of my world? Or would it make me a better one?

Am I ready to sacrifice the me that I know to become the dad I know not?

Jesse: Ivri Lider

Jesse 4min 20sec

Ivri Lider had a cameo in The Bubble where he sang "The Man I Love" in a bar scene, and it was mesmerising. This video clip for Jesse isn't that song - but it's beautiful and the clip features a swimming pool - which is definitely my thing - so I thought it was time to bring it back into my world. And now yours. I hope you enjoy it - even if you've seen it before.

Roaming Wild Wednesday

If you had to spend the next 24 hours roaming the world, what would you do?

I'd wake up to drums in South Africa early in the morning just before sunrise and drink hot chocolate with rusks as I watched leopards, zebras and elephants passing by. I'd run naked out of my tent and dive head first into the tropical warm waters of the Maldives just as the sun edged over the horizon, the warm sunlight kissing my skin precisely as I made contact with the water, with flashes of all shades of blue and silver bubbles starting my day with a fizz. Just after I hit the water I'd have my close friends splash in with me and play an impromptu water polo game with or without a ball.

We'd bodysurf onto the beach as a rain storm arrived to rinse us clean and then walk straight into a Parisian pâtisserie for a breakfast of pastries to-die-for. We’d then step out into the great outdoors of Jotunheimen, Norway, to climb a mountain, following to its source the river which twists its way though rock channels, splashing high into the air as it hits boulders in its steeply downwards path. When we reach the top we'd see deep blue lakes below, still covered in ice fracturing in the summer sun and from the rocky peak we'd step onto leftover snow cover and slide our way back down, landing in a sporty convertible to cruise along the Amalfi Coast (Italy) continuing on to an Italian lunch in seaside Sorrento to the north. A post-lunch walk would follow, through the rainforest to a remote Byron Bay beach (Australia) for a siesta in the warm shade and then a wake up swim at the same beach. As we surfed to the shore we'd find ourselves now in Rio, Brazil and in time for a beach volleyball match against some local talent. Refreshments on tap.

When it all gets too hot we'd take in the cool of a London gallery that fits our mood for the moment, then sunset drinks in a Vancouver Bar, because we can and there's no smoke there. From there it's off to New York, where we find individually tailored clothing that's so hot it's sparking, and dine somewhere that serves the best food and has the best service (I'm going to have to trust some locals for advice on this one) but in which we are completely overdressed - before heading to a quirky off-broadway theatrical production designed to entertain, delight, move and inspire. Stepping out of the theatre The Frenchman and I would step into our Venetian gondola for a night time exploration of the streets of Venice. Deposited in a tropical bungalow on some remote beach we’d snuggle up in a huge bed with crisp linen and stare at the moonlit waves breaking on the beach. Rain would return and pour down creating a hypnotic dance on our roof and steadily extinguish the burning torches surrounding the bungalow as we head off to sleep.

Mardi Gras Film Festival Reviews # 2

It was a two-film night Monday, and French was the tongue. First up was "King Size" exploring the impact of a newly developing three man relationship in a musical film! I must say when I found out it was a musical I wondered if I should leave then and there... but it turned out to be quite fun, and a very interesting (and enjoyable) approach to the subject material!

Following on its heels was the drama "the man of my life" set in countryside France in the summer as an extended family gather and invite the gay neighbour into the mix with powerful results. The cinematography is beautiful and the emotion raw. Loads of material here to digest, but one that does make you think, with truckloads of stunning images along the way. Recommended

Monday

A day filled with endless possibility - the week has begun - and there's much to be done. I'm booked up right through to next Monday already... and I'm looking forward to every single bit of it. Mardi Gras season makes for one hectic social schedule, but so does summer. A combo of the two and there's no time to waste.

I hope you have a good one - stay tuned for updates...

Indiana Jones 4

I remember falling in love with the Harrison Ford from the first of the Indiana Jones films way back when... I can't remember how many times I've seen it, but très sexy it is!. And even though he's considerably older now, I'm sure to be seeing the 4th of the series when it is released. By the sound of the trailer it's sure to make fun of the age thing... But it's the humour in these films that makes them stand out - ie not taking themselves too seriously. I'm not sure when it releases here but I'll be looking out for it!

Mardi Gras Film Festival Reviews

The Mardi Gras Film Festival is now on and we've seen 2 movies so far. Usually film festivals are hit and miss, but so far it's all hit - fantastic films that I'd happily see again.

Friday night was The Bubble, an Israeli film from director Eytan Fox (Yossi & Jaeger, Walk on Water). At times hilariously funny, at times gut wrenching, sexy and moving but manages to be all these things while exploring the complexities of love in an intolerant world. It's beautifully and sensitively filmed and while I haven't been to Israel, I think it gives quite an insight into life in this complex part of the world and the particular challenges of being gay in this region. Highly recommended.

Preview: The Bubble 2min 5sec

Saturday afternoon took us to Shelter, which is a beautiful film at a transition point for young Zac, a surfer, skateboarder and budding artist finding more than he expects from his best mate's brother who has returned briefly to his home town. I like that it goes beyond stereotypes and feels very real and tactile. There are family issues, sexuality issues, and general life issues that are tackled, and the mix is well balanced, fun and very sexy. Also highly recommended.

Preview: Shelter 2min 15 sec

For more information about movies playing at the festival and screening times, click here for the Mardi Gras Film Festival Website.

Boy Around Town TV - Sydney

The guys producing these 5 minute online TV episodes have asked if I might try posting them here... so I had a look and couldn't find a reason not to. Hosted by Michal Nicholas this episode goes behind the scenes at a new underwear label fashion shoot. There promises to be more, so stay tuned...

Happy Valentine's Day

Forget the chocolates, the cards, the gifts, the champagne. If there's someone special in your life today's the day to tell them. Words and embraces speak loudest. Make sure you're heard.

The Frenchman and I have been together for some 12 and a half years.

He gets more gorgeous each year and I love him to bits.

And because I'm not going to see him tonight (I'll be working) I'm re-posting the video below to keep him entertained in my absence.

Happy Valentine's Day Goumie!

I'm so glad my mum had him home delivered all those years ago...

Wild Self-Portrait Wednesday

We've all got cameras these days, often more than one - our mobile phone, web cam, a dedicated camera for holiday snaps... and chances are we've all done our own self portraits, once or a thousand times... alone, with friends, in famous places and sometimes not just our faces... So today is Self Portrait Wednesday. Your charge is to take a photo of yourself in some way shape or form - formal in a tuxedo on the patio, naked on the floor, standing next to a famous icon / monument / personality... or simply smiling in some random place, a train, plane, bathroom...

As you can see here...

You can either take a photo of yourself today, or tell us of you favourite photo experience (or preferably both). If you have one you want to show I'll post it here if you email me here. But that's not compulsory - it's all about getting out there making it happen and seeing what occurs along the way.

If you get embarassed or caught out - declare: 'it's self portrait Wednesday' and get them involved too...

Above all have fun!

Update: READER SELF PORTRAITS
Here on the left we have a self portrait from a superchilled reader in his favourite sporting gear... and on the right is how he would look on London Preppy's blog...

Ocean Race 1

So I get to the North Bondi Classic, and the surf is a bit rough, just how I like it, with a moderate onshore breeze. The Frenchman is pointing out the cute men on the beach but I'm surprisingly focussed, on the race. The elite group head off first then a few other waves of swimmers (there's over 1150 in all, so they can't all leave at once) . And I watch them to see the best way out through the surf to the buoy that is way out there.

These and more photos from oceanswims.com

Before I know it they're counting down 6...5...4...3... GO and I'm running down the beach, diving in at the perfect spot to start and take the rip out into the bay that is Bondi. I'm ducking through some waves, ploughing through others and the men swimming beside me rapidly fall away to the point that I can't see them without looking back. I think they must be farther across, but as I reach the first buoy having made it through the biggest of the breakers, I realise I'm the first one there. Maybe I've gone out too hard, and will regret it - but I feel quite relaxed so far with energy to burn, so I maintain the pace waiting for someone to catch and try to pass me. In them meantime I swim around the mix of pink, blue and yellow caps that are the waves of swimmers who left before of me, crashing into a few. There is one white cap, like me, who I see slightly to the left of me and behind but he seems to stall and fall away, or did he speed ahead - I'm not sure, but as I get to the far buoy he's nowhere in sight, and certainly not ahead? It feels too easy, but I push on trying to increase my speed with each leg. The final stretch back to the beach and the waves I want to hitch a ride on are absent, so I have to work all the way to the shore, and as I run up the beach they announce I'm the first white cap to finish. I look behind, no-one is even close. I'm beaming, and The Frenchman tells me it's true, he's been there waiting.

I down two cups of blue powerade or gatorade or something that they obviously branded too unclearly for my race-frazzled brain and a chunk of watermelon. It goes down effortlessly. I'm given bags of things that I just hold onto as I'm guzzling. Then I realise my arms and shoulders feel like they're on steroids - big and stiffening quickly. So I go for a cool down swim, having now realised how many cute guys there are in fact on the beach this morning! very pleasantly distracting! The day is beautiful, sunny warm, and I just did really well in my first race. It's all perfect!

I find out at the presentation that there were men in my age division swimming in the elite group and they take the top spots leaving me just out of place for a prize - DAMNIT. And they had good prizes too! But I do have a hot pink rash vest which I give to the Frenchman (who discovered what they're for when we went surfing last week...), and the day just gets better and better.

Dam Weather

After an incredibly long time of no rain - and water restrictions it was refreshing Saturday to check out Cataract Dam not too far from home, where it is well and truly overflowing with water. As you can see in the photo with The Frenchman and our good friend Janet , it was still raining. Despite being a wintry day in summer, it was fun catching up with people and taking it easy indoors. But now that the dam is full - I'm ready for the summer to recommence. A little ray of sunshine please mr music!

Sunday is my first ocean swim race this year, in North Bondi... I'm looking forward to it. I've certainly had enough practice!!

When the going gets tough...

There's no way up, I can't breathe, there's a hell of a lot of loud static noise about and all I can see is white, and then some dark, and then white and a little yellowish-orange in there somewhere too I think. I'm spinning around, and not in a Kylie Minogue disco way, more a gymnast mid-air in a floor routine way, I'm not touching the ground here and there's no music, yet I am concerned that I might hit that ground at some point and know that could hurt. But air is my focus, and trying to breathe is beyond the concern about pain. I start to imagine what lifeless looks like, and note that my heart is doing that really fast thing, that really fast pounding thing, like it's telling me something I don't already know. And finally, after what feels like an eternity, I gasp to the surface. The wave has passed, I'm certainly a lot closer to the beach than I was a moment ago, and in the race training we're swimming I'm not doing too badly... but all my energy is gone, and I get to the beach panting, and coughing, and feeling like I've just fought for my life. And then we go out and do it all again...

It's a hell of a way to kick off the day, but I love it.

Men on Men on 3

The Frenchman has been working on a new product for mobile phone company 3 that superchilled readers might find interesting... Called Stud TV, it has erotic gay content (I think we can call it porn) and can be found on your mobile phone now if you have a 3 account.

For more info click on the image to the right (or here) to go to the 3 website.

It's been fun to help research this one...

the hirsuit theme

Continuing with the theme of somewhat more hirsuit men for superchilled reader Vancouver Geoff - we have Paul Walker accordingly groomed.

I think that he'd probably classify as one of those guys who would look good regardless of facial hair or any other status, and so he becomes another role model for unobtainable aesthetic ideals...

And today I shaved for the first time this week - no longer the grungy mountain man...

Fundraiser in Sydney

A FUN FUNDRAISER FOR A WORTHY CAUSE
Hosts Paul Van Reyk and Rosanna Flamer-Caldera (Executive Director of EQUAL GROUND) are raising funds for EQUAL GROUND, a non profit organisation in Sri Lanka seeking political and human rights for the LGBTIQ community of Sri Lanka.

9th February 2008
(this Saturday)
253 Trafalgar Street, Petersham (Sydney, Australia)
7.00pm onwards
$35 per head for rice and curry and a free glass of champagne!!!

Raffles and an auction will give everyone a chance to win a wonderful array of Sri Lankan gifts – rainbow batik scarves and sarongs, EG T-shirts and Caps, and much more!! For more information go to EQUAL GROUND at: www.equal-ground.org/events.

RSVP: to Paul via Email: pvanreyk@optusnet.com.au or

EQUAL GROUND via Email: equalground@gmail.com

Web: http://www.equal-ground.org/
Web Blog: http://equalground.wordpress.com/
"Equality for all Sexual Orientations and Gender Identities: Human Rights for everyone"

Design a Wild Wednesday

I'm really getting into this 2008 thing. Today we had some pretty ordinary weather (174mm (6.85 inches) of rain in 24 hours) which was perfect - because I've been wanting to get a lot of things done - and find it incredibly difficult when the sun is shining and the water calling out to me. Needless to say, I still went swimming, but I spent more time indoors today attending to various work things including website & publication updates... won't bore you with that. But I just kept on going with it all and have had a very productive day... Nice to be focussed and make things happen.

It's Wild Wednesday - These started back in April last year in this post where I was musing on relationships and communication difficulties. It was designed to be a one off, but feedback I got encouraged me continue them in various ways and forms ever since. Usually there ends up being some kind of challenge to make life a little more interesting, break from the normal routine, experience new things and hopefully have a little fun on the way.

I think posting challenges just here on superchilled is limiting the potential. I think it's time to let it loose and let other bloggers design their own Wild Wednesdays. Create a challenge for your readers, surprise them, help them to think differently or see an alternate view on things. When you do - please post a comment here with the link to your wild wednesday. If you've taken up a Wild Wednesday challenge in the past - please also let me know. Have a favourite blogger who you think would be up to the challenge? Contact them and see if they'll step up.

Will you take the plunge?

The Creeps....

Camille Jones vs Fedde Le Grand
The Creeps: 2min 30sec

Misogynistic - perhaps
Politically Correct - definitely not
Sexy - Yes Very
Brand New - no, but new to me and I like it, so here it is.
Enjoy.

A Weekend of People

The world has a selection of great people strewn about it, and this weekend I was lucky enough to get to interact with quite a few of them: Someone new who The Frenchman and I have come to know who has been quite a remarkable find, and funnily enough pretty much as busy as we are in all manner of things, but we managed a quick rendesvous in a funky outdoor cafe in Kirribilli. My brother and his family who are a ball of chaos and laughter, with 2 girls growing up much faster that you expect. A friend who returned from a long flight from the States on Saturday yet despite any jetlag made time to catch up with us that same afternoon- always a delight, and even more so to see the changes that love brings. A friend who is conversely about to leave on a long flight - in the direction of London, who I would be happy to converse with for hours, but had to be content with 90 minutes over dinner. It was the most awesome summer evening as the sun set over Sydney Harbour, and The Wharf Restaurant served us an exceptional pre-theatre meal (the Cate Blanchett directed 'Blackbird' - unexpectedly good).

There was breakfast with some old friends who are just so giving and humble, it's kind of humbling itself, and dinner with others who are kinda like family and great to have around and just be with. In the middle of it all The Frenchman and I managed to swim a few times - once in the Boy Charlton Pool, once at night naked in the surf here in Coalcliff (too much fun, but only Norten joined me for that - someone else was worried about things that can't be seen in the ocean at night...), and again in the day time surfing, though we both need a lot more practice in that department; the cute surfers around certainly make that a more attractive proposition though. Just chatting with some of the very warm and engaging locals in the surf and on the beach really makes us feel a part of the community here. And it feels good.

Let the working week begin!

All about Friday

To a rainy Friday morning I awake - again a call from a nurse brings the new day to my attention, someone needs me more than my bed does, and so my day begins. Problem sorted, or at least navigated, and I'm on my way to the beach, a group of swimmers on the beach in the rain staring at the surf. I love swimming in the rain - there's something about the silence of it all, the closeness with the elements (and the lack of crowds) that makes it special. Coachless today we make our way through some serious swimming - and some serious fun. I'm not the dedicated triathlete like these guys are, and sometimes it feels odd to be out there training with them. But it makes me faster, and it gives them target practice of sorts. Today I feel fast as we race from the surf, bodysurfing the waves to the shore and running to an impromptu finish line on the beach. I pant and laugh at once and contemplate doing it all day. Instead I prepare to go back to work, as the others prepare to go for an 80minute run. Maybe one day I'll join them - but not today.

I meet with patients in all manner of life circumstances, all of them dying, but in completely different ways, and it feels good to be able to give them some hope and control in what is happening in their day to day deteriorations. Each one of them moves me in different ways, and it feels good to be alive. It's nice to be able to laugh and joke with them all, and I see in them a sense of security when I leave, which make me feel I've done my job.

I head to gym after work and do an interrupted run - all up 40 minutes or so - and I'm wet, it's like I'm raining now. The gym is increasingly busy, and I can't get to all the things I want to use, but manage most of what I want to do today. Starving we head out for Thai with friends we've not seen all year. It's nice to catch up, and the food is great (or was I just really hungry?) .

Home and I catch up with Lynnette from Tasmania online (who has posted some awesome photos of her recent trip) and a friend we're dining with Saturday, then check on some blogs I've not seen in a while, watch an episode of the last season of The West Wing and contemplate what to write about in this post, but don't really come up with anything. I do decide to add the following photo (as requested unofficially by Vancouver Geoff) both to appease him and further perpetuate unobtainable aesthetic ideals to which we all aspire - if momentarily. Because that's what I do. This time with facial hair.

And then I go to bed.