intoxicant intolerant

I go to the cinema and see these fantastic ads for beer, wine, and spirits, and while they're spectacular, there is never any drive for me to have or hold one of these magnificent glass vessels. Similarly the sensational ads for coffee have me looking around for signs of when the movie might start. People talk of coffee as their must have in the mornings: "Don't even talk to me before I've had my 2nd espresso" they say. It's an experience I'm familiar with, but from the sense of me saying "Here, you need this," as I hand The Frenchman his coffee of a Saturday morning. I don't even drink tea.

I'm the person people end up apologising to and explaining away their drinking patterns when I say no thanks to their offers of all of the above. The one who people try to get to drink more at parties both to see what might happen to me and to feel better about their own drinking habits. I'm the designated driver, always. The social outcast who isn't. I go to dance parties from time to time, but while others see elephants on my shoulders and stare at the lighting effects like it's a whole new world out there, I'm having a great time laughing at them, enjoying the music and feeling fine the next day.

I guess it started with a family who had no alcohol apart from gifts my dad got at Christmas which sat forever in the disused downstairs bar that came with the house. They refrigerated vintage red wine before serving, and mostly used it for cooking. Coffee they drank (and still do) in bucket loads "a mugaccino please" orders my dad, but I never caught that bug. So while I enjoy the smell of freshly ground coffee, that's where the romance ends. My siblings have moved into normality and indulge in all those beverages I decline. From time to time I'll drink a little alcohol to see if I enjoy it much, but rarely do. I've been wine tasting in all parts of the world, and can identify the style of wine and region where its produced reasonably well, but more than half a glass - and I'm giving it away. A whole glass? Under duress!

Of the 4 times I recall drinking beer, 2 of them were from decidedly gorgeous men who thrust them in my hand. But on none of those occasions did I make it beyond the first serve (of the beer).

While it is a little socially estranging these (lack of) habits of mine. I'm managing to cope. Though I do think it does limit my social invitations from time to time. I'll keep buying the wine beer & spirits for events we have and inviting people out for 'coffee' and 'drinks'; just don't expect to see me actually drinking much of the stuff any time soon.