Monday, 19 May 2008

Out of your mind?

We all live inside our heads. Sometimes to escape we'll take things, or do things that make us feel somewhere else, but ultimately we all get back to that same old place we know so well. We may have partners, lovers, friends and family who all interact with us, but regardless of how many we have or how close we are to them, our thoughts largely remain our own. With edited excerpts making it to the outside world when we open the filters wide enough.

One of the big questions of life is: Who do we open the filters on our thoughts to? Who do we let know everything we are thinking? And do we really actually let them know EVERYTHING we think - or just a less edited version than everyone else gets?

When we open the filters up and our thoughts get out into the world, we're exposing ourselves to challenge. Our essential existence can be questioned and discussed, laughed about or mocked, or it may well be supported and encouraged and empathised with. But when you open up, you don't know which way it's going to go, and the uncertainty about the possibilities can be crippling.

One bad experience can make us withdraw way back, to the world within our own heads, where little escapes and much is processed, and reprocessed. But focusing on the bad is never the way to go - there are usually a whole stack of positives that we ignore for the one negative experience we have.

When we find people we can really trust, we can open up and throw our filters away. It's a liberating experience, a whole new world, but it takes work - time and shared experiences that you build steadily. And just at it takes time for you to trust someone - they need time to establish trust in you. You have to earn it. You need to keep their confidence. You need to allow them to talk without feeling the need to filter, without criticising or dismissing in an offhand way, but exploring what they say and what they feel... and by being truthful with them. Telling them more than just what they want to hear. It can be a bit of work, but it's well worth it, with relationships strengthening powerfully through it.

Once you have people who know you without these 'filters', you start to have less anxieties about what the rest of the world thinks. And step by step life gets easier and easier, you live less in your own head and more at peace. I think some call it enlightenment, but that's a whole other story.

Welcome to a rather cerebral Monday.
I feel a spectacular week coming on.


Phyneas T said...

Ah, very true and in a sense, only then can one live life to the fullest, foret regrets. Nice. Thanks for the kind words. Hey, what do you know about Stockholm? I am thinking of going there solo for a vacation. Thoughts?

Superchilled said...

phyneas t: I know Stockholm is the capital of Sweden, it has a great area called gamle stan which basically means old town - that is very worth visiting. I also know last time I was there it was winter and the iced up waters were sensational and that we too will be headed there this european summer prior to Iceland. Research is underway... perhaps I'll do a post...

Monty said...

Great post Trevor...particularly liked the 4th and 5th paragraphs...really relate to them! And Really starting to experience the 5th paragraph now - it's a very good feeling! :-)

Phyneas T said...

Hahaha, thank you!!! It was a decision between Stockholm and NewFoundland, Stockholm won out due to the "rumors" of nordic blondes wandering the city, Viking ships and a nice club scene. Personally, I am a fan of darker hair, but, blondes, well, can be just as fun. When are you going? Thanks again.