Saturday, 31 May 2008

"This won't hurt a bit"

So I go for a blood test today, not too worried—figure it’ll be over quickly at least… I have big veins! But by the time they even call me in I’ve already guessed what everyone in the room is having blood tests for.
The nurse seems pleasant enough.
“Does it hurt?” she asks, needle already embedded into my flesh.
Somehow she’s managed to miss my HUGE VEINS.
“It’s fine,” I lie.
I forgo complaints as there's still a needle in my arm - and no blood in the tube. I don't want another needle I just want to be out of here. I think I'm going pale. She loosens the tourniquet and somehow manages to get blood without it - I told you I had big veins - but it still takes her forever .
I make the mistake of watching. I wish she didn't know I was a doctor - I'm sure it psyched her out.
Why is this taking so long? The needle is STILL in my arm.
“Really it doesn’t hurt,” I keep telling her, only by now it hurts to say it.

FINALLY she removes the needle and I dive for the examination couch, it's that or the ground.
She realises how pale and clammy I've become as she presses the cotton wool into my arm.
I wait for it all to go away.
She guiltily gives me a box of juice and I'm on my way. 
Then in the evening I pour my soul out and send the story of my blood test to my friend. She mutilates it. "I hope you don't mind."
"Oh no, It's wonderful, really, I like it lots"
And I'm right back where I started.


lynnette said...

man what a lame friend you have, who does she think she is anyway
;-) hope the OJ was at least fresh squeezed, that's the least she could do:P

Speeding Bullett said...

Are you a man or a mouse Mr T?

Might of been easier to do it to yourself?
BTW Hows the new toy?