May 24 approaches...

I guess like New Years Eve, when a birthday comes around you start to think of your year just gone, the year ahead, and life the universe and everything in between. Normally at this time I'm busy organising countless things that I'm preparing for my friends to do for my birthday 'event'. I have made them do car rallies, make short films, photo essays, arranged art classes and had them drawing and painting, sometimes a combination of these all merged into one. But this year I have no big event, save for a get together for sunset drinks. So I'm more reflective, more introspective, and more well, exposed to the ravages of birthdays and the numbers they add. Where am I going? What am I doing? Have I done the right things? Should I be better at x, y and z? Should I make an effort with my estranged sister? Should I chill more? Am I neglecting my family? Should I be more politically active? Are those wrinkles really mine? Am I making a difference in the world and Could I make a bigger difference?... it goes on...

I know the answer to some of those questions, but I'll still keep asking them, others I'm not so sure. At the end of the week, I'll still be the same person, maybe I'll have grown up a little, maybe I'll have slept a little more. I hope I'll have made the world a little better, preferably much more. But I have no way of monitoring that - I can't put a log on it, I can't find a stats web page to review my progress. I'll just have to trust that what I'm doing is what I should be doing, and push myself to continue to do more.